Changes
by MyWindowIsOpen
Summary: Changes occur in your life everyday. No one knows that better than Bella. Her life will be forever changed after today. They all will. Warning - this story is about 9/11
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. SM does. Thank you to StillDreamind85 &amp; banshee69 for all their help, hand holding &amp; support. All mistakes are mine though. This fic deals with 9/11 and death. If this is a trigger for you please do not read. **

**POV- Jake**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

I don't know what Bella was so jumpy about today? I hate having to run out so early this morning, but I had to get to the office so I could get prepared for an early morning meeting.

I'm hoping it will go as planned and I will make partner today.

This could be the best day of my life. Well, besides the day I married Bella that is, that day would be hard to beat in my opinion.

Pulling into the underground garage of this massive building is still intimidating to me and I've been working here for 4 years now.

The Twin Tower's as they're called, are two massive buildings that intimidate a lot of people and yes I am one of them. Being from a small town and relocating here to have a better life, well you do what you have to do.

I get out of my car and grab my briefcase and head for the elevators. I'm excited to get this day started. I look at my watch. It's barely 7:00 am on September, 11th 2001.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a day that changes my life, forever.

* * *

**A/N: This is a "Drabble" I do not have a set schedule for updates on the chapters.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. Thank to StillDreaming85 &amp; banchee69 for all their help. All mistakes are mine. The previous warning about 9-11 still applies.**

POV- Bella

Bella can't wait to get home with the test to see what it will say. In her heart, she knows she is pregnant, but she wants to take the test to confirm it. She wants this so much. They want this so much. Months of trying have finally paid off, she is sure.

She pulls into the driveway of their ranch style home and parks her car. Grabbing her purse and the test she skips into the house. Laying her stuff down, she heads straight for the bathroom.

Oh gosh is she ever so nervous. Three minutes that's all it takes, but they are the longest three minutes of her life, or so it seems. She sits on the closed toilet lid and tries to wait patiently.

Now her time is up. Three minutes has passed. She wished someone was here to hold her hand, but her husband Jake had to go into work earlier than usual so she is on her own for this.

She stands up and steps toward the sink where the test is laying. Picking up the test she looks at the small window where it indicates to tell if your life is changed forever.

Oh... Two pink lines, Bella says to herself.

I'm pregnant.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. All 9-11 warnings are still in effect. Also I still don't own Twilight!**

POV-Bella

Wow, I can't believe I'm pregnant. I never thought it would happen for us. I mean we are young, but were so in love and we've talked about wanting a family for a while now.

I honestly don't know if I can wait until he gets home to tell him the wonderful news?

I rub my flat tummy and imagine what it will be like to feel the baby kick. This indescribable feeling washes over me and tears start to flood my eyes.

Oh wow... I guess pregnancy hormones start early. I think to myself as I giggle.

I check the time and wonder what I could do for rest of the day?

I have accomplished cleaning the house, took my shower, but I still have nothing else to do. I don't want to hang around here, but I don't have anywhere else to go.

I could call Jake and see if he wants me to bring him some lunch later.

Yes.. I could take him lunch and tell him about the baby. I just know he is going to be so happy about this joyous news and the changes that are headed our way.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to Kara &amp; Sherry for all the help they have given me. As you all know Twilight is not mine, but the idea of Changes is. All mistakes are mine. All 9-11 warnings apply.**

Pov- Jake

I'm sitting at my desk after one of the most boring meetings in my life, but I have to say it was quite exhilarating. I just walked out of that boardroom the newest partner of Gilliam, Gilliam and Thomas. The most elite and private law firm on the East Coast.

We handle almost everything from Fortune five-hundred businesses to movie stars.

This is a big increase in pay and responsibilities for me.

I can't wait to share this news with Bella, she will be so proud of me I'm sure.

I'm walking around my desk when there's a knock on the door.

I stop to adjust my tie and announce for them to enter.

It's my personal assistant, Dawn.

"Sir, Your wife called while you were in your meeting. She said it wasn't an emergency, but to call her when you got a chance." Dawn informed me.

"Thank you, Dawn, Is that all she said?"

"Yes, sir, it was, but.. ah, she seemed. I don't know? Off?"

"All right, thank you. That will be all."

I guess I better call Bella to see what is going on?


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to Kara &amp; Sherry for all their help. I'd be lost without it. I have to warn you now, if the events from 9-11 trigger you PLEASE do not read! Thank you! **

POV- Bella

"Hello," I answer the phone slightly out of breath. I had to run to grab my cell since I was in the kitchen looking to see if I had anything I could throw together for lunch.

"Hey, sweetheart. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, actually I was just thinking of you."

"Oh, you were and what were you thinking?" Jake's voice took on a husky tone.

Bella laughed. "Not what you're thinking. I actually just considered coming down to visit my sexy husband for lunch. That is if he has time for a visit?"

"Well, I just got out of the meeting."

Bella screamed "That's right, I forgot. How did it go?"

"I got it, Bella. I made partner."

"Wow, Jake. That is wonderful. I am so proud of you."

****BOOM****


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: WARNING- 9-11 triggers possible with this story. Thanks Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight!**

POV- Bella

"Jake what was that noise?"

"I don't know, but it was awfully loud here."

Jake goes to the window and freezes. What he sees has rendered him utterly speechless.

"Bella." He manages to say in a raspy voice.

"Jake, what is it? You're scaring me."

"Turn on the news Bella, and tell me what they say."

"What? Why? What's going on there Jacob?"

Jacob takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before he speaks.

"Bella, the north tower is on fire. It looks like a plane collided with it.

Bella starts to shake as she runs to the TV, to find the remote to turn it on. Turning on the TV she watches in horror as people run in the streets among smoke and ash.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Twilight. Thank you Kara &amp; Sherry for your help. **** WARNING**** This story gets its M rating due to its graphic content related to the events of 9-11. If this triggers you please do not read! **

**Pov- Bella **

"Bella, tell me what you see."

"I can't describe it Jake. The newscaster thinks it was an accident. A plane crashed into the north tower. It's awful, Jake."

"It looks pretty bad from what I can see. Those poor people."

"I had thought about coming down there later for lunch, but I don't know if I could get through now?"

"It's probably going to be a mess around here for a while sweetheart, it's probably best if you just stay at home. Not that I don't want to see you." He says with a chuckle.

"Of course, I understand. I wouldn't want to get in anyone's way."

"You could never be in my way, but it would be safer for you if you'd stay home."

"Yeah, you're right. So I have some good news for you tonight."

****BOOM****


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. You ladies have been the best. Not only beta &amp; pre-reader, but support system anyone could ask for during this journey. You two rock! I don't own Twilight.. SM does. This story gets its M rating for the tragic &amp; horrific events that took place on 9-11. If this triggers you in any way please do not read!**

**POV-Bella**

The building rumbles and shakes. Jake gets thrown to the floor.

"Oh my gosh, what in the world was that, Jake!?" Bella screams into the phone.

"Jake, are you there?" Her voice is shaking, but she's trying to remain calm.

Jake crawls over and picks up the phone and cradles it to his ear.

"Bella." He manages to rasp out.

Tears are streaming down her face as she stares at the TV.

"Jake, you have to get out of there, NOW!"

"I- I don't know if I can Bella?" His breathing sounded choppy.

"Why- why not Jake?" She cried out.

"What was that, do you know? Was it an explosion?" Pain obvious in his voice.

She paused. Not knowing how to answer him. "No, there was another plane, Jake.

It crashed into your building."


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you to Sherry &amp; Kara. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

POV- Jake

"Another plane. That can't be, right? Bella are you sure?" Jake is stunned.

He goes to stand up and stumbles over and falls back down. He doesn't know if it's from the fall, hitting his head or the anxiety he is feeling, but he knows something just isn't right.

"Bella, sweetheart can you try to calm down and listen to me for a minute?" He runs his hand through his hair when he feels something wet. Pulling a shaky hand down to look, he notices it is covered in blood.

"Okay, I'm listening. What do you want me to do?" She sniffs and wipes at her eyes.

"Make some calls and try to find out what's going on. We might lose our phone service here, but I want you to know that I'm all right."

"You're hurt. I- I can tell by the sound of your voice." She chokes back a sob.

"I fell and I hit my head. I think my leg might be broken too, but I'll be okay." If only he could assure himself of that.

"Jake, I was going to wait and tell you in person, but I don't want to wait. I- I have something important I need to- to tell you. Something that I know will make you so happy."

"What is it, sweetheart? I need some good news right now." He tries to make light of his situation.

Bella takes a deep breath and blows it out quickly.

"I'm pregnant."


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you to Sherry &amp; Kara. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

POV- Edward

I arrived at the fire hall about an hour before my shift was to begin. I wanted to sit around and relax, maybe eat something before I had to worry about all the bad that could possibly go down.

Walking into the community living room, I pick up the remote and turn the TV on. There's nothing of interest on, but it doesn't matter because I just want the noise anyway.

I make my way into the kitchen and look in the fridge. Great there's some leftover meatloaf from last night's supper. I guess I'll just heat that up since there's no one else in here that wants to claim it.

I sit in front of the TV eating my food, watching re-runs of SpongeBob. Hey, I'm a grown man, but who doesn't love SpongeBob?

When all of a sudden a newscast interrupts the program.

What the hell is going on? I mutter to myself.

A plane has just crashed into the North Tower and our alarms are going off.

I jump to my feet and run to grab my gear.

I have a feeling this is going to be a day I will never forget.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to Sherry &amp; Kara. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

POV- Edward

We approach the site with our lights and sirens blaring.

What I see when we roll to a stop is something the academy just can not prepare you for.

Destruction. Pure and utter destruction along with chaos. People are running in an attempt to flee the devastation. I am shocked, frozen for a few seconds as I take it all in. The flames are licking at the building as thick blackish-gray smoke pours out like a witches cauldron. I can hear my heart thumping in my ears. It's like I am having an out of body experience.

Is this even real?

I shake myself out of the shock I was in and I get to work, running up to the rig to grab the water hose.

"Cullen make sure to secure a fire line!" The Chief barks out at me.

"Yes sir!" I yell, as I run around the rig to ensure that people are moving away from the fire line.

Newton is pulling a hotline when I return so I make sure there are no kinks in the hose.

As I am straightening out the final kink, there's a massive explosion and I get thrown to the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to Sherry &amp; Kara. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Edward**

I push myself up off the ground and straighten up. What the fuck was that? I scrub my hand over my face and look around.

"Chief is everyone okay." I try to take a head count, but it's so chaotic it's difficult to make out who's who.

The Chief said everyone is alright. I am relieved because these guys are like my family.

When I signed on as a career firefighter, I didn't know I'd sign on for a company that has some of the most honorable men and women I have ever met. They have truly become my family.

I look up and I can not believe my eyes. Another plane. It can't be.

I am astonished at what my eyes are witnessing. It's one thing to witness one plane that has collided into one of the World Trade Center towers, but to stand here and observe two planes crashing into two buildings is inconceivable.

I rush over to the Chief and ask him, "Do you want me to grab a drop tank and head in, see if we can evacuate some people?"

The Chief nods and looks me in the eye. "Be alert and mindful of your surroundings. Extract people if you can, but Cullen- don't try to be a hero. We need you, son." He said sincerely.

He slapped me on the back and sent me into the raging inferno. I just pray I can make it out alive.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

Pregnant. Did I hear her, right? "Bella," Jake holds his head. "Are you sure?" He mummers.

She can't help the small laugh that escapes her mouth as she shakes her head. "Yes, I - I have thought I might be for a few weeks now. I went this morning, to get a test. It was positive sweetheart. Jake, I didn't want to tell you this way. I wanted to plan something special so I could surprise you." Her voice was almost a whisper at the end.

"Oh Bella, the only thing I'm upset about is that I can't be there to hug you right now. I am so thrilled. Don't worry your pretty little head about how you told me. The thing is, we're having a baby and I am beyond happy about that."

"You have always known how to make me feel better Jake. Now, you just need to get out of there and get home to me."

"I will do everything I can Bella to make sure that you and the baby are taken care of."

"I know you will take care of us Jake."

"Jake- are you there? Jake, can you - can you hear me?" Tears cloud her vision as she realizes she has lost contact with her husband.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Jake**

"Hello? Can you hear me?" Damn it, we lost the phone connection. Fuck, I knew we would.

Blowing out a big breath he tries to make his way over to the window.

It's slow going due to his broken right leg and the woozy feeling he has in his head.

Once he reaches the window, he wishes he hadn't. "Oh, dear Lord," Jake says in a whispered voice as he sits and stares out the window.

Rocking back and forth holding himself, trying to keep his eyes open. He tries to think of his wife and the future they could have. He sees her stomach round with their baby as he stands behind her, rubbing her belly, telling her how much he loves them both. It makes him smile. A tear slides down his cheek and then another. He knows there is something wrong, but he is trying to hold on for her, for them.

The room is getting darker, even though, the sun is out.

"Hello, is anyone in there?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

POV- Edward

"Hello, is anyone in there?" I call out through the door. I stopped to listen and could hear a muffled sound. I think someone might be in there, I think to myself.

I take a step back, raise my right leg and kick the door. I have to do this two more times before it finally gives way enough to allow me to gain entry into the room.

I step in slowly as I look around the room trying to see if I can locate where the noise was coming from. When my eyes scan to the right, laying next to the window, I see him.

I walk over to him, and I crouch down. I check his pulse, and its weak. "Sir." I give him a light shake. "Can you hear me?"

He opens his eyes and looks at me with what I can only describe as fear mixed with confusion.

"I'm here to help. I'm a firefighter. Can you tell me your name?"

He tries to sit up, but can't manage it on his own. He is shaking pretty bad. He takes a deep breath before he tries to speak. Pain is evident in his voice, "My name is Jake- Jacob Black."

"Well, Mr. Black my name is Edward, let's see if we can get you out of here?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

POV- Edward

"Do you think you can stand?" I ask him, but I know he is in pretty bad shape just by looking at him. The amount of blood that seems to have come from his head laceration alone tells me he needs medical attention- stat!

"Mr. Black- Sir, do you think you can stand?" I ask him again.

He seems to gather his mental bearings enough answer me.

"I can try, but I think my leg is broken. Also, I- I don't think I'm going to make it. Just leave me here and get out of here, save yourself Edward."

"Now what kind of firefighter would I be if I did that Mr. Black?"

"Please, call me Jake."

"Okay then, Jake let's see if we can't get you up and out of here. Put your arm around me, when I count to three we will stand you up on your good leg. Sound like a plan?"

Jake just nods his head and on the count of three, I have him upright.

Moving toward the door is slow going with him having the use of only one leg and a possible concussion.

"Talk to me Jake," I tell him in order to keep him awake. "Do you have any family?"

He lets out a gut wrenching sob, and I stop because I think I have hurt him somehow.

"Bella- she's my wife." He manages to say.

"That's a beautiful name, Jake." I offer him a small smile as we start to walk.

"She's beautiful, and we just found out this morning- she's pregnant."

I close my eyes for a brief second. "That's great news, congratulations."

"Edward, we both know I'm not going to make it."

"Don't say that, man. You're going to be fine. I'm going to get you out of here and to your wife, you'll be good as new."

"I appreciate you telling me that, but I don't know who you're trying to convince, yourself or me?"

I stop to readjust his arm up over my neck. "I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am going to get you out of here, and I promise you that."

"Speaking of promises, Edward. Will you promise me something?" His breathing is ragged.

"What is it? What do you want me to promise?" Curiosity is evident in my tone.

"I- I want you to take care of Bella."

"What?"

"Please… she's pregnant, and she will need someone to look after her."

"Jake, she will have someone. She will have you." I try to sound convincing.

He lets out a small gasping laugh. "That's bullshit and you know it. Promise me, Edward… Please!" His voice shakes but, I can tell he is being sincere. How can I say yes to such a request, but how can I refuse?

"Of course - of course, Jake. I'd be honored to look after your wife and baby."

"Thank you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV-Edward**

"Thank You."

That's the last thing Jake manages to say before he loses consciousness. I'm not a small man by any means, but getting him out of here is going to prove to be a challenge.

I pick Jake up and put him in a fireman's carry. I make my way down the stairs as quickly and safely as I can with a grown man thrown across my back, no matter how much training you have this isn't an easy task .

My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. My legs are straining from all the extra weight. My breathing is labored, from the exertion of having to climb all the stairs. Plus the air isn't good due to the smoke. I think I'm running on pure adrenaline right now.

All I can do is keep replaying what Jake said to me up in his office.

"I- I want you to take care of Bella."

"Please… she's pregnant, and she will need someone to look after her."

I just keep replaying it over and over in my head. What did I agree to? Before I realize it, I hit the last step and sprint out into smoke filled chaos to look for help.

I ease Jake down off my back onto a gurney that a couple of paramedics have wheeled over to me.

They immediately start checking him over, preparing for an IV line. Asking me about his personal information and what I had observed.

They even want to check me over to ensure I don't have smoke inhalation.

"Don't worry about me." I tell them. "Get him out of here as quickly as you can, okay. I - I don't want to see him decline any more than he already has."

"I'll be honest with you, it doesn't look too good. His blood pressure isn't good and his pupils are fixed and dilated." The paramedic working on him said with a pityingly look on his face.

Running my hand through my hair and gripping it tight, I tell them. "Just do all that you can do for him. He just found out this morning he's going to be a father."

With a single nod, they start to load Jake into the ambulance. I walk over to it so I can shut the doors for them. Once the doors are secure I give a swift rap on the door to let them know they're set. I can see Jake through the glass in the back. I lay my hand on the glass. As the ambulance starts to pull away my hand falls down to my side as I whisper the promise I intend to keep.

"I promise you Jake, I will."


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

I am sick with worry since I lost the connection with Jake earlier. I feel like I am going out of my mind pacing a continual path from the TV to bay windows that face our front yard. Hoping beyond hope that I will see him come walking up the sidewalk and through the front door.

Anxiety twists and turns in my stomach, rolling like a tidal wave about to crash on the shore. I want to know what is going on. No, that's not true. I need to know what's going on.

I grip my cell phone tighter in my left hand, bringing it up to my chest, wrapping my right arm around my waist. Maybe on some unconscious level I'm trying to hold myself together, while I pray for some kind of good news about my husband.

I'm startled out of my musings by the ring of my phone and nearly launch it across the room, I am so nervous. With shaky hands I manage to push accept even though I do not recognize the number.

'Hello." I manage to croak out due to all the crying I've been doing.

"Hello, my name is Mary, I'm a nurse here at NYU hospital. I'm looking for the nearest relative of Jacob Black."

"Hello- yes, I'm his wife. Is he there, is he okay, is he hurt, can I speak to him?"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I have been so stressed and upset since all this has happened, I - I just can't think straight. My name is Isabella, but everyone calls me Bella."

"It's all understandable Bella, there's no need to apologize. Now, is there anyone that can bring you down to the hospital? I think you should get here as quickly as you can."

"Umm, I have my car Mary I can drive myself." Why would she want someone else to drive me?

"Bella, I must advise you to have someone bring you. I don't think it would be a good idea for you to come by yourself." Her voice was soft and sympathetic.

I started shaking my head. "No, that's okay everyone is working. Ummm…" Looking around and not knowing what I was looking for. "I'll drive myself, be there shortly. Tell him not to worry, kay?" I said absentmindedly.

"Bella." Mary took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay, but be careful."

"I will and thank you for calling to let me know he's there. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'll see you soon."

"Yes, I'm on my way out the door as we speak, bye." Grabbing my purse and keys I head outside, turning to lock the door before I leave. I rushed to my car as fast as I could. I had to get to the hospital so I could check on Jake.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV-Bella**

I pull up at the hospital, park my car, get out and make my way to the entrance. I walk up to the desk, look around for someone to assist me. I'm not normally an impatient person, but I really want to get back there to where Jake is. Drumming my fingers on the desk, I look up at the clock on the wall. Great I've been standing here 10 minutes now.

"Hello." I tap my knuckles on the desk. "I need some assistance up here, please."

A slightly older woman with shoulder length brown hair and tired eyes comes into view.

"I'm sorry, were slammed here and I was trying to help in the back. How may I help you?" She

seems somber, but I can't really blame her with all the tragedy I'm sure she's seen today.

"Yes, I received a call a while ago to come down here concerning my husband. He was brought in for something, but I'm not exactly sure what happened to him."

"Okay, I can look him up for you. What's his name?"

"Jake Black. Well, it's Jacob Black. She called him by Jacob when she called me."

As she was typing on her keyboard an odd expression passes over her face, but she shifts back into her professional mode and turns her attention toward me.

"I'm sorry, but do you mind waiting here just a moment while I go see if I can find someone that can assist you with information about your husband?"

"I don't understand why you just can't tell me where he is? I mean all I want to do is go to him, keep him company while he's in here. Why won't you tell me where he is?" My voice was escalating to the point I was almost screaming at her, but I was trying to calm myself.

"What's going on out here? This is a hospital and not some sporting event." A well dressed man wearing a white coat spoke as he approached us. I could only assume he was a doctor here.

"I'm just trying to find out where my husband is and no one seems to want to tell me. Can you tell me where he is or why people around here find it so difficult to do their job? What's your name by the way?" I was so agitated and scared I was snapping at everyone. I don't mean to be a bitch, but damn it, I'm a wreck.

He steps forward extending his hand, "I'm Dr. Johnson and you are?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

I shake his hand and introduce myself. "Isabella Black, but you can call me Bella."

"Black- as in Jacob Black?" A deep V furrows his brow.

I let out a sigh of relief because finally we're getting somewhere. "Yes, he's my husband. I was called and told to come down here. Can you take me to where he is?"

"Mrs. Black, we need to talk somewhere more- private."


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

I follow Dr. Johnson down the corridor until we reach a set of double doors. He unclips his badge and waves it in front of the sensor. It beeps, allowing us access to the next hallway. There's a row of rooms and I can't help but wonder if Jake is in one of them.

"In here please, Mrs. Black." Dr. Johnson indicates, pushing open a door on the right of the hall. I walk into the small room, stop and look around. "Doctor where's my husband? Where's Jake?"

He walks up beside me with a look of - sadness. "Please, won't you sit down." He gestures to the chairs in the room.

"No thank you I'm fine standing. Can we get this over with so I can go see my husband, please." I'm starting to get nervous with how people are treating me around here.

Dr. Johnson takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. He looks tired as he scrubs his hand over his face. "There's really no easy way to say this. When Mr. Black was brought in by ambulance, he wasn't stable. His blood pressure was extremely low due to blood loss. His pupils were fixed and dilated. He had a severe traumatic head injury. He also suffered from a broken leg, but that was secondary to his head injury when he came in. We worked on him for forty-five minutes. We performed all the life-saving measures that we were able to perform."

I'm sitting there staring at him trying to comprehend what he is saying, while shaking my head as he is speaking to me. "What - what do you mean?" I ask in a whisper.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Black. We tried everything to save your husband, but he..." shaking his head and sighing. "He didn't make it. He's gone."

Upon hearing his words, my left hand goes to my stomach while my right covers my mouth. "Oh my god, no." I collapse to my knees and wrap my arms around my stomach trying desperately to hold myself together. This can't be happening, it's not true, he's wrong. I'm sobbing, gasping for air when Dr. Johnson starts to rub my back. I stand and he leads me over to a couch in the room and helps me sit down. All I can do is scream out questions at him. "Why him?" and "Are you sure?" He hands me a tissue, telling that "yes" they are sure it's Jake and they don't know why this happened, but he is sorry for my loss. I just look at him like he has two heads.

I compose myself enough to tell him shakily, "I just found out this- this morning that I'm preg- pregnant. I just found out that my husband is dead. My child will grow up without a father, but you're sorry?"

"I can only imagine how you feel. I didn't know about the baby. I'm so-"

I jump to my feet and point at him. "Don't you dare say you're sorry again. Take me to see my husband." My face crumbles again as I think about the love of my life.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

I jump to my feet and point at him. "Don't you dare say you're sorry again. Take me to see my husband." My face crumbles again as I think about the love of my life.

Walking up the corridor to go see Jake was like walking the Green Mile. I think I was in a trance- like a daze because before I knew it Dr. Johnson had taken a hold of my arm outside of a room asking me if I was alright. I don't know how I feel at the moment, but alright isn't it.

He reaches for the doorknob, turning it slowly. Pushing the door open slightly, he meets my eyes with his. In a silent exchange, he's asking if I'm ready. Am I ready? No, but I need to do this. I give a slight nod to indicate I'm willing to go. He pushes the door open wider with his right arm, allowing me to pass. What I see in the middle of the room is all I can focus on because there he is. They have a sheet draped over him. There's a nurse standing next to him. She reaches up and grasps the top of the sheet, then pulls it down past his face, neck and shoulders. As soon as I see his face, I turn my head to the left and immediately throw up. I can't stop dry heaving, I feel like my stomach is being turned inside out. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as the nurse from before scrambles to try to help calm me down. I take a deep, shuddering breath and let it out slowly. I repeat the process a few more times. When I am finally able to make it back onto my feet, the nurse rubs my back and gives me a sympathetic smile. "Are you okay to do this now, honey?"

I offer a weak smile and nod my head. "Yeah." I croak out.

She leads me over to where he's at and I can't believe it's him. He looks like he's - asleep.

I reach up and run my hand through his beautiful, black hair. I bring it down over his jaw. Tears start to drip onto the sheet from my red, puffy eyes. I reach under the sheet and take his hand in mine. I bring it up to my lips, placing a kiss on his knuckles. I lay my head on his chest where I use to listen to his heart beating and I mourn for my husband. I tell him how I will always love him, I'm sorry we never got our happy ever after. How I wish, he could be here to see our baby be born. I can't believe this is happening. As I lay here with my head on his chest, running my fingers through his hair, I tell my husband I love you for the last time and give him a final goodbye.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

As I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I can hear muffled voices coming from what seems like the living room. I don't know who's come and gone since I've been home, but there have been quite a few by the sounds of it.

My mom has been such a big help, but she can be overbearing at times. I've not had a moment to truly be by myself. I know everyone is concerned, but I just want to be left alone, to think, remember, to breath without someone constantly asking me if I'm okay.

It has been four days since Jake died and his funeral services are tonight. I can hardly believe it's been four days since I walked out of that hospital room and left my husband there.

It's all a blur when I think back. Mom said the nurse got her number from my emergency contact that they have in the computer system, so when I walked out of the room there she was waiting for me. I was never so glad to see my mommy and have her wrap her arms around me as I was at that moment.

I collapsed into her chest and wept as she rubbed my back. She kept telling me over and over it was going to be "okay" and that her and my dad, Charlie would be there for me day or night. Running her fingers through my hair and kissing me on the head, she allowed me to sit there for an extended period of time until I could compose myself enough to walk.

Drying my eyes the best I could, I took her hand and I let her lead me out of the hospital to her car and away from my heart.


	23. Chapter 23

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

I don't want to go to the funeral. I guess in my mind it will make it real and I'm not ready to accept it. I know it's true, I saw him myself, but to see him there in the casket will just be too much. It will be - real.

I continue to lay in my bed with no intentions of moving. I have been laying here just staring into the unknown for - well, I wouldn't have any idea? I'm so caught up in my own head that I don't hear the knock on the door. It doesn't even register with me when someone calls my name. It shouldn't surprise mom when I jump when she touches my shoulder and asks me if I'm asleep.

The tears are silent now as they fall down my cheeks, but I don't want my mother's comfort right now. It's too much and not enough, so I roll over onto my right side- away from her pitying stare.

Mom sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope she'll just go away.

"Bella, Sweetie, I know how bad you're hurting, but you can't shut yourself off from the world. You have to get up, get ready, and go to the funeral. I know it's going to be hard, but-"

"I'm not going."

"What do you mean you're not going? That's your husband, Bella of course you're going."

"No, I'm not. I'm staying here, in bed. I - I don't feel too good today, mom." I say snuffling, wiping at my eyes and nose.

She stood up from the bed, heading to the closet. "Of course you don't feel well, sweetheart, but you're going to get up, take a nice hot shower and that will make you feel better. Then you will try to eat something." Turning to look at me with a small, but hopeful smile. "What do you say? Come on honey- I'll do your hair."

Rolling over to look at my mother's hopeful face was all I could bare. Giving a huge sigh. I conceded defeat and got out of bed and headed for my en suite bathroom to take my shower.

Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognized the person staring back at me. I feel like a shell of the woman I once was. All I kept thinking was how can I go on without Jake in my life.

Putting my hands on the countertop, I dropped my head. My chin touching my chest and my tears dripping into the sink.

"Sweetie." Mom called to me as she pushed open the door. "Aww.. Sweetie, it's going to be alright." She said as she walked over to me and started rubbing my back.

All I could do was cry and shake my head.

"Yes, it will. You'll see in time honey, but you have to start taking care of yourself. If not for you, then for your baby."

I took in a deep, shaky breath and raised my head looking at my mother through the mirror. She was right. Jake wanted this baby, we both did.

Nodding my head, I just simply said "okay" and mom studied my face for a moment. She must have been satisfied with what she saw because she gave me a kiss on the cheek then turned to walk out the door.

"Mom." I managed to croak out with my underused voice.

She stopped, turned with her hand on the doorknob. "Yes?"

"Thanks."

She smiled, gave just a hint of a shoulder shrug. "You're welcome."


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

I had managed to take a long, hot shower after mom stepped out. I have to admit - it felt wonderful to wash my hair. Once I got finished, I got out and wrapped a big, fluffy towel around my chest and walked back into my bedroom. Mom had already gotten my dress out of my closet and put it on the bed for me, as well as my hose and bra, she even picked out my panties. I shook my head and smiled at that one. Only my mother, I thought to myself.

I knew I was going to eat something and I didn't want to spill anything on my dress. So, I walked over to the bed and picked up my bra and panties, looking at them to make sure they were the ones I'd actually want to wear. When I was satisfied they were okay, I slipped them on. I then put on my pink bathrobe and head to the kitchen.

Walking down the hall I could hear voices. "I'm glad you were able to convince her she needs to eat." My best friend, Rose said.

"Yeah, well, I was afraid I was going to have to call the doctor. She hasn't eaten since - well since, you know." Renee couldn't bring herself to finish.

"Hey guys." I murmur as I offer a small wave, walking into the kitchen. "Am I interrupting?"

Mom and Rose exchange a somber glance, but quickly assure me I'm not interrupting anything.

"Of course, not Bella, come on over here and sit down." Mom pulls out a chair for me.

"What can I get you to eat Hun? Anything you're craving?"

"No, no cravings yet, but thanks, Rose." I reach out and take her hand.

Rose looks me in the eyes and says. "You're my best friend, Bella. I'd do anything for you."

I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. "I know you would, and I feel the same way about you too. I appreciate you being here for me." I squeeze her hand.

She nods her head once. "Where else would I be?"

I hear sniffling, so I look over at mom. She's trying to discreetly wipe her eyes. I look back at Rose and offer her a small smile before I get up to make my way to my mother.

I wrap my arms around her. "I love you mom. Thank you for being here for me too."

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and holds me tight. "I love you too, baby girl. So much."

I step away from her, wipe under my eyes and ask. "So, do we have any soup?"

They both laugh at that at me. Wiping at her eyes, mom says. "I can make you any kind you want."

"I think I want..?" I think for a moment. "Chicken noodle."

Mom smiles at me. "Good choice. Chicken noodle it is. Go sit back down and I'll fix it for you."

"Thanks, mom," I tell her as I rub her shoulder.

Shaking her head. "You don't need to thank me-"

I offer her a look that begs to differ and she just raises a hand. "Fine, you're welcome sweetie."

"Now tell me, do you want crackers to go with that soup?" She says with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Sure and maybe some tea if we have it," I guess I do have a craving?

"Anything you want sweetie."


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

Coming home from the funeral, I watch as the trees pass by. It was a beautiful service and I can't help but smile when I think about some of the lovely, heartfelt words Jake's friends and family shared.

We had talked a few times about how we would want things to be if one of us were to ever pass away suddenly. I just never thought those plans would ever be needed at this stage in our lives.

Jake, being an attorney, had our funerals already pre-arranged and paid for. All I had to do was pick out his suit and - attend it.

He was a stickler for details and on the planning of both of ours. I couldn't be more grateful that he insisted on having everything in order in the event something untimely happening to either one of us.

Laying my palm across my stomach, I lay my head against the seat. I hope this baby has your tenacity and strength of your heart. If it can love as fiercely and strongly as you did Jake, then it will no doubt have the foundation it takes to be a great human being.

**A/N- I'm sorry about not posting, but my RL has been pretty hectic here lately and I've had a lot of stuff on me to deal with. Thanks for sticking with me. **


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Edward**

"Edward what's been wrong with you lately?" Emmett was obviously concerned. "I mean you just haven't been yourself. I know a lot of shit has happened and it's an awful thing for people to go through, but it's just- I don't know man?" He ended his speech to me with a shake of his head.

The look on Emmett's face was pleading, desperate for answers.

I hadn't spoken to anyone about what had happened in the Towers that day. No one knows about the promise I made to a man that could possibly have been dying, a promise I made to myself.

No one knows that I checked the hospitals, searching for him, for Jacob. Only to be told I wasn't family and information wasn't allowed to be given to me.

I had a sliver of hope that day. Hope that somehow Jake Black would be returning to his wife, to his Bella, and the promise I made to him wouldn't come to fruition.

It's not that I felt the need to get out of it, but I didn't even know this lady. I mean, who's to say she'd even want me around?

"Edward, are you even listening to me?" Emmett frowns at me.

"Yeah." I nod my head and run my hand through my hair. "Sorry, I guess I was some place else?"

Snorting a laugh and shaking his head. "Ya don't say?"

Placing a hand on my shoulder and looking me in the eyes. "In all seriousness, Edward. I think of you like a brother. You're my best friend and I'm here for you- anytime."

Sighing deeply. I know he's right. He's my best friend, he won't judge me. I can talk to him about what happened.

So I proceed to explain everything that happened that day and the promise that was made.

Emmett's quiet, just staring at me.

"Say something." I rub my hand across my face.

Just telling him about it helped to get part of it off my chest, but it's still there. Lingering, niggling at the back of my mind and I'm not sure what to do?

"That's-" He rubs the back of his neck. "That's a big responsibility to take upon yourself, to make a promise like that to someone you don't know. I mean you're a stand up guy. What if he doesn't make it?"

"I've called the hospitals. No one will tell me if they even have a patient there by his name."

His head jerks up as he meets my worried eyes.

"Didn't you say he was in pretty bad shape when you got him out of there?"

I furrow my brow. "Yeah, what's your point?"

He stares at me for a moment, willing me to understand.

"Shit." I jump up to grab the newspaper. "How many do we have laying around here?"

I start turning the pages, frantically searching for the obituaries. When I find them, what I see makes my blood run cold.

Jacob Black in bold letters announcing his death. He was a kind, loving man, son and husband.

I read on about his life and see if I can find any more information about him or his wife.

All I'm able to find is it's a private service, held for family and friends only. Also, just like he said, her name is Bella.

**A/N- I had this chapter waiting and I wanted to put it out for you all. I hope you all like it and I'm sorry about the long wait in between chapters.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

It's now been five days since Jake's funeral and everyone has returned to their normal lives, well, almost everyone.

Mom told me I needed to try to figure out what I want to do with my life now and I looked at her like she had two heads. She says to me in her most maternal voice. "Bella, you should try to find something to do during your pregnancy. Nothing too stressful, of course, but something to get you out of the house and take your mind off - things."

Quickly nodding my head, I agree with her. "You're right mom, but I won't really need the money. With the money Jake had put away and the life insurance-" I couldn't finish that sentence. My eyes dropped to my lap.

Mom reached over a took my hand. "Sweetie, you could always volunteer somewhere. You know, since this - happened, there's lot's of places that could use help."

I look into her eyes they are so much like mine. "This might seem - crazy to you, but I thought about maybe checking into seeing if I can find the people that helped Jake. Maybe I can volunteer there?"

She squeezed my hand. "I don't think that's crazy at all. If that's what you want to do, but do you think you can handle it? I mean being there around them?"

"I think so. I think if I'm around people that I know helped him at least get out, it will help me move on and I can help them in the process."

"Well then, I think it's a wonderful idea, but I think you need to think about finding yourself an ob/gyn. You need to get you and that baby checked out."

Placing my hand on my stomach I can't help the smile that appears on my lips. "You're right yet again mom, but don't let that go to your head." We both laugh at that. "I'll start looking in a day or two."

"Good deal sweetie. I want you both to be happy and healthy."

"I think with you taking care of us, mom, it's guaranteed."


	28. Chapter 28

Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

POV- Bella

I awoke with a new sense of purpose this morning. I really need to take better care of myself and this baby too. I very well can't do that lying here in bed all day, no matter how much I want to so I get up and start my day.

After I took my shower and ate my breakfast, I decided to call Rose to see if she would know of any Ob/Gyn's she could refer me to.

No matter what I have to think of this baby as a blessing. After-all, it's all I have left of Jake and I'll have this connection to him forever, for that I'm so grateful.

Picking up my phone I walk over to the couch, sit down and dial her number.

"Hello."

"Hey Rose, how are you this morning?"

"Hey Bella, I'm good. How are you? How'd you sleep last night?"

People are always asking me that. "I'm okay. It's some better, but it's not ever going to be the same, ya know?"

"Bella, no one expects you to be perfect after just over a week, but I think you're doing so well sweetie. You're hanging in there."

"Yeah, well, I miss him Rose." I'm getting choked up and starting to cry.

Rose sighs. "Awww… Sweetie, I know you do and that's perfectly normal. Just take it one day at a time. If that gets to be too much then just take it one minute at a time. The important thing to remember is to just- take care of you."

I grab a tissue and wipe the tears out of my eyes. "I'm trying."

"I know. Listen, the best advice I can give is just - breathe."

I take a big breath in through my nose and exhale out slowly through my mouth.

Rose has been such a good friend to me.

"Better?" She questions and I can tell she's genuinely concerned.

I nod. "Better, thanks."

"You're welcome sweetie."

"Oh, Rose before I forget. Do you happen to know of any Ob/Gyn's you can recommend?"

"Ahh, my friend was talking about someone being pregnant and mentioned a doctor. I can check with them and get you the information."

"That would be great Rose."

"No problem. So what do you have planned for today?" I love how we can talk about anything and nothing.

"Well, I was going to look into doing some volunteering. I thought I might either contact the hospital or possibly the fire station, maybe the rescue squad?" I grab a throw pillow a hug it to me.

"Wow - are you sure you could handle being at the hospital?"

"I want to do this- I never thought-"

"Bella, I'm not telling you not to do it. I'm just saying it might be too much for you right now."

Throwing the pillow back onto the couch so I can rub the back of my neck. "Yeah, you're probably right."

A/N- I'm sorry about the delay in posting. My RL has been very busy &amp; my health not too good. Kara &amp; Sherry have been angels to put up with me through it all. I thank them from the bottom of my heart.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

POV- Bella

I'm going to call and make an appointment as soon as they can fit me in and I'm going to do some volunteer work in Jake's honor.

I finally have the information I want from where I want to volunteer. Now, I just need to set up my OB appointment.

I take the slip of paper I used to write the information Rose gave me and I dial the number.

"Midtown East Medical Associates how may I direct your call?"

"Uh, yes, I'd like to set up an appointment to come in, please."

"Okay is this for a routine check up?"

"No. I - I'm pregnant." I don't know why I was so nervous all of the sudden?

"Okay, is this your first visit?"

"Yes, it will be my first visit there and my first visit for the pregnancy as well."

"That's fine. Let me see here." I could hear her typing. "We had a cancellation on Monday if you would like to come in then?"

Oh wow, that soon? "Oh, okay that sounds good. What time?"

"The actual time is 2 o'clock, but you need to be here at least thirty minutes early. You will have new patient forms to fill out and don't forget to bring your insurance card and some form of picture ID as well. Also, if you have any co-pays, we will need to collect that before you can be seen as well." She was talking so fast I hope I caught everything.

"Ok, I think I got everything?" I was wary, but too shy to say anything.

I heard more typing. "And what name is the appointment going to be under?"

I had almost forgot. I had to laugh at myself at that. "Isabella Black, but I go by Bella if that's alright?" I don't know why, but telling her I wanted to be called Bella made me blush?

"That's fine, the doctor wants the patient to let them know what they prefer to be called and have it notated in the files."

"Alright, I'll be there at 1:30 Monday then. I appreciate you getting me in so quickly."

"No problem Mrs. Black, we'll see you Monday. I hope you have a pleasant day."

"Yeah, you too." I hung up the phone and thought how bittersweet it would be going to my first doctor's appointment without Jake.

I'll love you enough for the both of us. I'll be your mommy and your daddy. I say to my stomach.

Now with that out of the way I just have to go down and check on volunteering.


	30. Chapter 30

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Edward**

I hate coming in on Saturday's. They're long days filled with hanging around the station cleaning house. We also take the opportunity in-between calls to wash the rigs. Me being one of the rookies here, I tend to get stuck with that task.

Since the rig is already out in the open, I make my way to the storage closet. I locate the bucket, sponge, and soap, then trudge my way outside. I then go over to get the water hose, turn it on and pull it toward the rig. I give it a test spray, okay, I'm good to go.

I fill the bucket up with water after I put some soap in it and dip my sponge in. Man, that's cold. I take the hose and spray down the rig, then start the tedious process of washing this truck.

By the time I'm done, I'm dog tired and look like a drowned rat. I walk over to the bucket, drop the sponge into it and stand back to admire my work.

The chief walks out pats me on my wet back and grimaces as he pulls back a wet hand. "Good job Cullen, now get out of those wet clothes."

Laughing at him I tell him. "I'll put this stuff away, then I'll change."

"Good deal."

"Awww, thanks for caring." I joke with him.

"Yeah, well, don't let it go to your head." He mutters as he walks off.

I throw my head back and laugh at him. Then I reach behind my back to grab the soaking wet shirt that's sticking to me like a second skin, whip it over my head and throw it over the railing, for the sun to dry. I dump the bucket, rinse it and the sponge out. I coil the hose back up for storage, and place the bucket back in the closet.

I'm getting ready to step inside when I hear the sweetest voice.

"Excuse me, could you tell me who I need to speak with in order to volunteer here?"


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you'retriggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Edward**

I whip around to see who it was that spoke and standing there is this lovely woman just gaping at me.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked her as I approached her.

She opened her mouth like she was going to speak a couple of times and her face turned a brilliant shade of pink. It bloomed from her cheeks and extended to her ears. I briefly wondered if it spread down to her breasts as well, but quickly cleared my head of those thoughts.

She raised her hand up to rub her cheek and then the back of her neck, turning her head from me.

"Couldyouputashirton?" She mumbled.

I stepped a little closer. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

She looked up at me with fire in her eyes. "Could you please put a shirt on?"

I had honestly forgotten I didn't have one on. "Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I was just washing the rig and I got all wet. Come on in and I'll go grab a dry shirt."

She dropped her eyes. "Okay, thanks."

I held the door open for her and allowed her to pass. Damn, she smells good.

"Just have a seat over there. I'll- ah-" I motioned to my naked torso to indicate I'd get a t-shirt.

She bit her bottom lip and turned her head.

"Yeah, okay, I'll be right back." It felt like I was talking to myself.

I rushed to get a dry shirt so I could see what the dark haired beauty needed. Yes, I noticed, sue me.

Grabbing the first thing I could find, I slip it on while walking back out.

I walk over to where she's sitting and I clear my throat. "So would you like a drink or something?"

"No, thank you. Look, I'm not here for a social call or anything. Is the captain, chief or whoever here? Ya know the person who's in charge."

I quirk an eyebrow at her because- damn! I sit back and smile. "The Chief. He's out. You actually just missed him."

She crosses her arms. "And when will he be back?"

I shrug. "Soon. What's your name?" I raise my chin. "Mine's Edward, by the way."

She sits there for what feels like an hour before she answers. Her posture stiff and arms crossed. "Isabella."

I nod. "Nice to meet you Isabella."


	32. Chapter 32

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Bella**

"So how did it go?" Rose inquires while stabbing at her salad.

Picking at my own salad, I shrug my shoulders. "Fine."

She looks up at me and raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Fine? That good, huh?"

Sighing, I lay down my fork, sit back and cross my arms. "The meeting with the chief went well enough, after he got there."

"Okay." She draws out the word while motioning with her hand for me to continue.

I huff out a short, humorless laugh and look out the window. "There was this guy there." I stop and play with the hem of my shirt.

"Yeah, it's a fire station, Bella. There'll be guys there."

I turned to look at her. "I know that Rose, but when I got there, he was shirtless and he-"

"He what Bella?"

I turn my head to stare back out the window. "Nothing, just- forget I said anything."

She reaches across the small table and touches my arm. "Hey."

I refuse to look at her. "Bella, look at me."

When I look at her, I'm met with warmth and understanding. "It's alright."

I start shaking my head, wiping at the tears as they start to fall. "No, it's not."

The look she gives me is a gentle kindness, but only serves to make me feel that much more guilty. "Bella, it's okay." She grabs my hand in hers and squeezes it.

"How can it be okay, Rose? Jake's only been gone for two weeks and I stood there and ogled a half naked man."

"Bella, sweetie, there's no time frame on how long a person is supposed to grieve when their spouse dies before they're allowed to move on."

"I'm not ready."

"I didn't say you were. Look, all I'm saying is, when you are ready, whether it be today, in a week, a month, six months, a year or hell, maybe even longer, only you will know when you are ready to date again."

"What about Jake?"

She sighs. "Bella, do you honestly think Jake would want you to mourn him for the rest of your life? because I don't."

"No, I guess not?"

"Let me ask you this. If this had happened the other way, would you want Jake to mourn you forever. To live the life of a monk or would you want him to eventually move on with his life and possibly find love again?'

That was an easy question to answer. "Of course I'd want him to be happy and to have love in his life."

"Well, don't you think he'd want the same thing for you?"

"I suppose so."

She pats my hand. "It'll be alright."

I sigh a deep cleansing breath. "I hope you're right?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

**POV- Edward**

I stand back and watch her interact with the chief. She's a feisty one, that's for sure, but there seems to be an underlying sadness there as well.

She seemed cold, distant and uncomfortable around me, but with the chief she seems at ease.

I am a bit of a flirt. I can't help myself when it comes to a beautiful woman, and that lady sitting with the chief with her mahogany colored hair and fiery brown eyes is definitely beautiful.

They finish their conversation and he walks her to the door. He shakes her hand and she reaches out to hug him.

Well, that was odd?

She pulls back and she is blushing. She's - lovely.

The chief pats her on the arm while shaking his head. I bet he's telling her not to be embarrassed. He's a great guy.

He opens the door for her and allows her to walk through. He waves to her as she leaves. He shuts the door and heads to his office. I'm at the door before he can close it, and I lightly knock.

"Come in."

"Hey, ya got a minute?"

"Hey Cullen, have a seat." He points to the chair.

"Thanks."

"What's going on?"

I rub the back of my neck. "Um, that lady that was just here."

"Bella?"

I shake my head. "No, Isabella."

He looks confused. So I explain. "You know, she just spoke to you about volunteering here. She has brown hair and eyes, about 5'5". Ya know, Isabella."

The chief runs a finger over his eyebrow. "Uh, yeah, that's the lady I spoke to, but Edward she said her name was Bella."

Now I'm the one that looks confused. "She told me her name was Isabella."

"I don't know son?" Then he smiled. "Did you try to flirt with her?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "Maybe?"

"Listen, son, she just lost her husband on 9/11." My face pales at hearing that.

"She said someone here, at this station pulled him from the building. She didn't make it to the hospital in time to see him before he died, but unlike so many families she got to bury him thanks to one of our guys. She wants to show her appreciation by doing some volunteer hours here in his name."

I think I'm going to be sick. I keep having to swallow the bile that's threatening to rise.

I clear my throat. "Did- uh- she-" I take a shaky breath.

"Edward, are you alright? You look awful pale."

"Did she, uh, Bella- say what her husband's name was?"

The chief eyes me for a second. "Yes, she did."

"What was it?"

"Her husband was Jacob Black."

"Oh god."


	34. Chapter 34

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (banshee69). I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. Oh yeah I don't own Twilight, SM does. **

**POV- Edward**

"Oh god." I drop my head into my hands.

The chief gets up from behind his desk and comes around to where I'm sitting. He places his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, are you all right?"

I look up at him and try to offer him a convincing smile, but it doesn't work.

"Tell me, what is it that's bothering you?"

I open my mouth to speak, but the words won't come out.

I just shake my head. "Nothing's wrong."

He sits propped against his desk facing me with his arms crossed. "Yeah, and I've got an acre of swamp land I'd like to sell to you too."

Sighing. "Sorry, I-" I nervously pick at the skin around my thumbnail. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Okay, son, I'll let it go - for now, but my door's always open to you anytime you need to talk, no matter what it's about."

I nod, stand up and make my way over to the door.

"Edward."

I stop at the door and when I turn around to face him I almost break.

"I know there's something you're not telling me, but like I said, I'm willing to let it go, for now."

"Yeah, you said that before."

He scowls at me. "Don't be a smartass."

I throw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Well, stop being a nosy fucker and I'll stop being a smartass… deal?"

He doubles over laughing, wiping his eyes as he straightens back up. "Okay, kid you got yourself a deal." He motions for me to get out. "Now get the fuck outta here, I've got work to do."

"Awww… I love you too, Chief." I mimic my best girl's voice and then have to duck out of the way of a flying paper stapler.

"Damn, that almost hit me in the head."

"Ahhh… who's sounding like a girl now?"

I turn and walk out, muttering curses at him, while he laughs at me as I'm leaving.

I raise both my arms and give him two birds which only serves to make him laugh even harder. I just shake my head as I walk away, thinking it's a good thing I love that fucker.

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**A/N:** _Thank you to all the readers that have stuck by me &amp; this story. I was a fail at thanking you all last time for your reviews &amp; I'm sorry about that. Know this, I read them &amp; I appreciate each &amp; every single one of them. If you rec'd this story to new readers, well I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all. _


	35. Chapter 35

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Bella**

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I can feel him staring again. It sends a thrill down my spine like I've never felt before. I'm too nervous to turn around, but so damn curious, I have to find out for sure.

Slowly, I turn my head in his direction and sure enough, he's looking right at me.

I offer him a small smile. He smiles back at me and does this little two finger wave.

I've come here for four weeks now to volunteer my time and Edward has been nothing but nice to me. He is a great guy, sweet and funny. He says he wants to be my friend and to really get to know me, but I don't know if I'm ready for that type of friendship?

Things are better for me. My pregnancy is going strong. When I went to the doctor the first time I was scared that all the stress I had been under had somehow affected the baby. Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. The baby is growing strong and is healthy. The first time, I heard the heartbeat - I cried. It took the doctor a few seconds to actually find it and that worried me, but he was quick to assure me it was normal. After a few passes of the Doppler on my belly, there it was, the most wonderful sound filled the room. After hearing my child's heartbeat inside of me, I knew from that day forward, I would be alright.

I look to where Edward was. He's busy restocking supplies on the rig. I watch as the muscles in his arms flex as he moves boxes around and I have to shake my head.

I watch him as he walks back and forth from the supply closet to the rig. He's wearing his usual uniform of faded, low on the hip jeans and a plain white t-shirt that fits his form.

Yeah, I think I can be his friend.


	36. Chapter 36

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Bella**

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Sighing into the phone, I tell her. "Rose, Don't worry about it. I'll be alright. I've gone to the doctor by myself before."

Disappointment was evident in her tone. "Yeah, but this is different. It's your first ultrasound and I really wanted to be there with you."

"I'll be fine, really. I have to go finish up some work here. I'll talk to you later, okay." I was sad about having to go by myself, but there's no use dwelling on it.

"Okay, but call me later. I love you."

"Love you too."

When I hung up the phone and turn around, Edward is standing there, leaning against the doorframe. The way he looks at me, he's always so - intense.

"Hey, Edward." I can't help but smile at him.

"You have a doctor's appointment." He asks with a blank face.

"Ummm… yeah, with my OB/GYN. Why?"

He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "I can go with you."

I'm shaking my "no" head before he can finish his sentence.

He crosses his arms over his chest. "Why not?

"Because, it's not right."

"What's not right about it? I don't understand, Isabella?" When he uses that name, I blush because I told him before it was my name and technically it is, but no one calls me that. I told him that was my name because I was scared out of my mind when I met him. He scares me, makes me feel things I think I shouldn't be feeling.

"It's not your place to go." A pain shoots through my chest thinking about Jake because he should be here, but never will be and I've accepted that.

"I don't give a fuck what people think." Edward says while rubbing his jaw.

He pushes off the doorframe and walks toward me, looking me in the eye. He stops directly in front of me and raises his hand like he's going to touch my face, but decides against at the last second.

He swallows hard and I see his Adam's apple bob, he's nervous. Wait, how have I never noticed his eyes before? Maybe because he's never looked at me eye to eye this intensely before, but they're mesmerizing.

He speaks so softly that if he hadn't been standing so close, I might not have heard him. "Please." Was all he said and for some reason I'm powerless to tell him no.

So, while looking into his beautiful green eyes, I cause him to smile the biggest smile. "Okay, you can go."


	37. Chapter 37

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

"So are you ready to head out?" I ask Isabella as I step into the office. She looks up from her desk.

"Ready to go where?"

"To your doctor's appointment, did you forget?"

Shaking her head, no. "I just didn't think you were serious about wanting to go with me."

Sagging my shoulders. "Don't you want me to go?"

"It's not that." She replied as she was straightening papers on her desk.

"Isabella." I step toward her and she blushes. _Yes, little lady I know the truth about your name_, I smirk at her. "We're friends, right?" I ask her as I look her in the eye, and hold her gaze until she answers me.

"Ye- yes we are," she mutters.

"Well, friend," I wink at her. "I'm going with you to support you so you won't be alone. I might even let my friend buy me something to eat after we're done."

She laughs and I have to say, it's nice to hear. I want to be the cause of that more often.

"Well, friend." She throws my phrase back at me with her own killer smirk. "We'll see about that whole who buys who the food, situation." She informs me as she gathers her things to leave. "You know Edward, I have seen you eat before."

I stop, put my hand up to my chest and act offended. "What are you trying to imply, that I'm a pig?"

She walks ahead of me, stops, then looks at me over her shoulder. "If the trough fits, big man." She walks on and I stand there with my mouth hanging wide open, just watching her go.

"Let's go, Edward. Oh, and close your mouth before something flies in there."

I snap my mouth shut and shake my head. "Women," I mumble.

"I heard that," She calls out to me.

I walk out to where she's standing next to my car and open the door for her. I put my lips next to her ear and I whisper. "I like being messy when I… eat, Isabella." I breath out over her ear.

I can feel a her body shudder as I help her sit in the car. I shut the door and I can't keep the smile off my face as I walk around to the driver's side.

As I'm putting the key in the ignition, I hear Isabella mumble something and I turn to ask her what she said.

She has a smile she's trying to hide. "Pig."

I throw my head back and laugh, then I look over at her. "Oink, oink."

She reaches over and smacks my arm. "Shut up," She tells me as she laughs.

I can't keep the grin off my face as I start my car. Yep, I'll be the biggest pig there is if it will keep that beautiful smile on her face.

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**A/N...** Thanks to all that reviewed the last chapter. I failed big time in replying to everyone &amp; for that, I am sorry!


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Bella**

We were sitting in the waiting room and the way Edward is fidgeting is making me nervous. I whisper to him "What is going on with you?"

He looks at me in confusion. "Huh, what do you mean?"

"You're all," I wave my hand around him. "I don't know… jittery."

He looks around the room while rubbing his hands up and down his jeans. "They keep staring at me." His eyes darting around the room.

I tilt my head in confusion. "What are you talking about? Who's staring at you?"

He tips his head toward the other part of the waiting room and widens his eyes dramatically. "Them. The pregnant women."

I try to be as subtle as I can as I look around the room. Sure enough - they're looking at him.

I side-eye him and whisper. "Well, maybe they just appreciate the fact that there's a man in a gynecologist office?" I comfort him.

"They're looking at me like I'm something to eat, Isabella." He all but hisses.

"You do look pretty tasty," I mumble.

He turns to look at me. "What was that?"

"I wish they would hurry."

"Oh, okay."

The door to the back opens and the nurse announces. "Bella Black."

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**A/N:**

Did any of you catch onto the significance of this part of the story?


	39. Chapter 39

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Bella**

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The door to the back opens and the nurse announces. "Bella Black."

I feel like I'm a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car and I'm stuck. Edward is looking at me with this - amused smirk on his handsome face as he stands up.

I just sit there looking up at him. "They called your name, sweetness," he says as he winks at me. That smug bastard just winked at me.

I stand up with the assistance of Edward's hand and we follow the nurse to the ultrasound room. I'm actually aware of Edward's hand on the small of my back the whole time while we were walking down the hall.

"The tech will be in shortly, in the meantime you can have a seat on the table and she'll prepare you when she comes in." The nurse informs me.

"Thank you," I say as I situate myself on the exam table to wait. Edward is standing there looking at me with one eyebrow raised expectantly.

I chew on my bottom lip nervously, he takes his thumb and releases it from its grip. "So … Bella?" He's looking at me and I can see he's not mad, but only asking, why.

I take a deep breath to prepare myself as to tell him why I had wanted him to call me Isabella and not Bella.

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**A/N:** So who caught the significance of her name in the last chapter?


	40. Chapter 40

**Thank you to Kara &amp; Sherry. I don't own Twilight. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

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**POV- Bella**

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I take a deep breath to prepare myself to tell him why I had wanted him to call me Isabella and not Bella.

"It was a way to cope with losing _so_ much. I was dealing with it the best I could. Actually, I _wasn't_ dealing with all the loss in my life.. at all. You came into my life at a time when things were so… uncertain for me and you seemed so - arrogant. Also, only my friends call me Bella. I didn't feel right introducing myself to you like that." I breath a sigh of relief after I finish explaining my reasons, but he looks - disappointed, somewhat hurt.

"I thought you said we were friends?"

"We are friends, Edward."

"Then, why have you continued to let me call you Isabella? You just said all your friends call you Bella."

Oh crap, I did say that, didn't I? How do I explain to him that It's not just to protect myself, but I'm scared I could feel more for him?

"I don't know, Edward? I truly value your friendship and to be honest, I was a little embarrassed to say anything."

He frowns at that. "Embarrassed, why?"

"Oh, I don't know? What was I supposed to say? Hey, by the way, that name you've been calling me all this time… yeah, it's my name, but I don't actually go by that. Could you possibly call me _this_ instead?"

He places his two hands on either side of my face and stares into my eyes. "Listen to me, sweetness. You never have to be afraid to talk to me about anything… ever. Do you understand?"

Tears start to pool in my eyes and spill over as I nod my head.

"Don't cry, sweetness." Edward murmurs as he takes his thumbs to wipe away my tears. I reach up with shaky hands and hold onto his that are holding my face so delicately.

He's so close his warm breath washes over my face as he speaks. "I'm here for you, okay."

I can only look into his stunning, green eyes. He has me mesmerized. He leans in more, his eyes flicker between my eyes and my lips. I know what he wants when his tongue comes out to lick his bottom lip. I'm not sure if I have enough strength left to stop if he tries? I'm not sure I want to?

My name whispers across his lips. "Bella," as our eyes start to flutter.

The door opens as the tech walks in. "Okay, are you ready to see your baby?" She announces in a cheery voice.

**A/N:** Runs &amp; hides… I love y'all. :)


	41. Chapter 41

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). Y'all make it pretty. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

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**POV- Bella**

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The door opens as the tech walks in. "Okay, are you ready to see your baby?" She announces in a cheery voice.

Edward slowly lowers his hands from my face and I take a deep cleansing breath to try to clear my head.

The tech looks at us with wide eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?"

I look to where Edward is standing. He has a smile on his face, but is staring at the floor. I turn to look back at her and offer her a kind smile. "No, you didn't interrupt anything and to answer your first question, yes I'm ready to see my baby."

Her face lights up from the smile she returns to me. "Good, my name is Vickie and I'll be the tech doing your ultrasound today. Go ahead and lie back there for me. Raise your shirt up to your bra and tuck it under. Push your pants down just past your hips. Did you remember to drink plenty of clear fluids beforehand, like the doctor advised?"

The whole time I was nodding "yes" to what she was saying and trying to do as she ask me to do. "Yes, the instructions called for 32 ounces, but I wanted to be sure I was prepared. I think I probably drunk about sixty ounces?"

She laughed at that. "I bet you're about to float out of here?"

"You have no idea?" I said, then I look over at Edward. His cheeks were tinged pink as he was staring at my stomach. I'd almost forgotten he was here. I could feel my own face starting to turn red now.

"Okay, I have everything set. Let me just drape this over you so you don't get any gel on your pants and if you'll turn the light off." She looked to Edward. He reached over and turned it off. "Now, come on over here dad, and we'll get started." Edward had already started walking toward the exam table as Vickie was speaking and luckily she was facing the machine. He was frozen in place mid-step at what she had said. I admit I was too shocked to say anything myself. I didn't even feel the cold of the gel or the transducer as she placed it on my belly. What did bring Edward and I out of our shocked state was the whooshing sound of the baby's heartbeat.

Edward was by my side in an instant. He looked at me and then to the grainy, black and white image on the screen. His face held so much wonder, excitement, and awe. He leaned over to look at the tiny image, shaking his head. His eyes were so dark green at this moment. Like a turbulent sea of emotions.

He looked at me with watery eyes and if I hadn't been lying down at that moment the emotions I saw there, shining in the depths of his green orbs would have floored me. He reached up with his left hand to hold onto one of mine while his right one caressed my cheek. I couldn't help but to lean into his touch as he cupped my jaw in his strong hand. It just felt too good.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you for sharing this with me."

I raised my free hand up and cupped his face. "Thank you for being here with me, Edward."

He bent over and kissed me on the forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment.

He pulled back enough to look me in the eyes. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

**A/N: **Thank you for each &amp; everyone of your reviews. I read &amp; love them all. They put a smile on my face. :)


	42. Chapter 42

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). Y'all make it pretty. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

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**POV- Bella**

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Getting to know Edward these past few weeks has been enlightening to say the least. I have never met a more attentive and caring man, well, besides Jake. We're friends, and I find it really nice to have him in my life.

I don't know why he wants to hang around a widowed, pregnant woman all the time, but I'm done fighting him and myself on it. I enjoy his company too much. I won't deny it anymore.

The look on his face the day we were in for my first ultrasound, it was... breathtaking. To say he shocked me by his reaction, well, that's an understatement.

He had this expression... he was in awe as much as I was. His beautiful green eyes glassy, shining with unshed tears as he stared at the monitor. He didn't think I noticed them, but I did. I simply acted like it didn't happen in order to give him his dignity I felt he needed at that time. We just simply ignored the proverbial elephant in the room and focused on the rest of the ultrasound.

When Vickie asked about how many pictures I wanted of my little bean, I said, "Four please." With a big smile on my face. "I want to be able to give my mother one and one to my best friend." I informed her.

She smiled at me as she printed them off. "That's sweet of you." She said as she handed the black and white images to me.

"They've been there for me through some rather difficult times. They'll do the same for this one." I say as I rub my small baby bump.

Edward rubs my shoulder. "You have me too, don't forget." He smiles that beautiful, supportive, crooked, smile at me.

I look up at him, momentarily stunned by his gorgeous green eyes. I have to blink a few times to regain my senses. I return his smile. "Of course, how could anyone forget you?" I tease him.

He just winks at me.

Vickie laughs at us. "You two are such a beautiful couple. That is going to be one good looking baby."

Edward just stares into my eyes.

"Okay, you're free to go, but don't forget to stop and make an appointment for a follow-up. It was nice meeting you both."

"Thank you." "You too." We both say at the same time as Vickie leaves the room.

Edward takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. "Bella, I'm sorry."

I offer him a sad smile. "Don't be, it's not your fault."

He nods, casting his eyes to the floor.

"Thank you, Edward, for being here for me and for being such a good friend." I reach up and rub his bicep. I can feel the muscle tense and flex under my palm.

He looks up at me through his long eyelashes, that are ridiculously long for a man. "Anything for you, sweetness."

And with that look, with the way his voice dropped and took on a husky-like tone as he said that. I think I'm in trouble?

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A/N: Come join me on my author page over on Facebook. The address is www dot face book dot com/ mywind owis open fanfiction/ ?ref=aymt_home page_ panel ,Just be sure to remove the dot &amp; replace it with a . &amp; smoosh it all together. I had to separate it so it would be accepted into a doc on here.


	43. Chapter 43

**Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). Y'all make it pretty. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.**

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**POV- Bella**

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Guilt plagues me, I can't deal with it. Ever since that day we left the doctor's office, I can't look at myself in the mirror. I keep seeing the way Edward looks at me, the way he treats me, makes me feel like I'm so important… It's not right.

He deserves better than to be hanging around someone that can't offer him the things I know he should be getting from a woman in a relationship...

Like someone, he can come home to.

Someone he can depend on to care for him wholeheartedly.

Someone that will love him unconditionally.

That woman isn't me.

I can't be that woman for any man.

I care for him too much as his friend to lead him on.

I'm so damn conflicted, I feel so torn. I have grown to depend on Edward's friendship. I don't want to give him up, but I can't give more to him. Not when I still feel like I'd be cheating on Jake.

"Oh Jake, what do I do? It's been three months since that day you were taken from me. Three months and now I am now five months into my pregnancy. Dammit Jake, you should be here to experience this with me. To discuss if we will find out the sex of the baby at the next ultrasound. You should be there, get to have that joy along with me when they tell us the sex."

I sigh, rubbing my ever growing baby bump. "Whatever you are, boy or girl, you're going to be so loved. You're going to be showered with it and that I can promise you." I wipe the tears from my face and take comfort in knowing that this baby was conceived out of love. It was wanted more than anything in the world, besides one thing and I know I can't have that.

My therapist says life moves on, Jake wouldn't want me to mourn him forever. He'd want me to move on, live a normal, happy life.

How do I begin to do that? It's only been three months.

"You can't put a timeframe on grief. People mourn loss at their own pace. Who is to say that three months aren't an acceptable amount of time, that if you don't mourn this long then you didn't love your spouse?" I recall with perfect clarity, my male therapist said to me.

I think he's right, but I just need more… time.

Merry Christmas, Jake.

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**A/N:** I'm nominated in the TwiFic Fandom Awards for Newbie author &amp; My Lucky Charm is up for out of this world fic. I can't tell you enough how much that means to me. I never thought I would be writing &amp; certainly didn't think I'd be nominated for something like this... so, thank you.


	44. Chapter 44

Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). Y'all make it pretty. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

***PLEASE READ*** This chapter deals with the serious issue of panic attacks. If this could possibly cause you distress in any way, please do not read.

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POV-Edward

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"Hey, Edward how's it going, man?" Emmett asks, as he slams his locker shut.

Nodding, without making eye contact, I answer. "Not too bad, and yourself?"

I can see him rubbing his chin out of the corner of my eye, he's staring at me. I turn my head and raise a brow in question.

"What's been up with you?"

My heart starts to beat wildly in my chest and my palms are now sweating. My mouth goes dry and I have to swallow several times before I can even begin to try to speak.

"No-" Clearing my throat, I try again. "Nothing's wrong with me." I answer as I rub my palms on the legs of my jeans, over and over.

He bobs his head. "So you're going to give me that same old song and dance you gave the chief, huh?"

My head snaps up and I stare at him in disbelief. " What did you just say?" I manage to grit out through my clenched teeth.

"You heard me." He says, as he folds his arms across his massive chest.

"Emmett." I sigh. Shaking my head. "Just… don't, okay."

He furrows his brows, looking at me with the concern of a friend, how a brother would.

"You know she deserves to know, right?"

I drop heavily onto the bench, sighing while running my hand roughly over my face, trying in vain to get images out of my head that I know are permanently seared there.

Bringing my hands up to cradle my head as my elbows rest upon my knees, I try to concentrate on my breathing as the images bombard me, one after another.

It goes from picture to picture, like being flipped in an album on fast forward, to a movie reel, but this is in high definition.

My lungs are burning and I can't breathe.

My legs feel like I'm carrying concrete blocks.

My hands, I can't feel my hands anymore.

My fingers are tingling, I shake them and I think I make fists.

My eyes are going blurry, I can't see.

My heart is beating hard and fast... too fast… can't breathe.

Oh god, what's going on?

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"Edward… Edward." I can feel someone shaking me, calling my name. I look up and I'm on the floor, staring at Emmett.

"What?" I cough and clear my throat. "What happened?"

Emmett pulls my hands away from my head and there's hair in my hands… my hair. I look up at him with wide, fearful eyes.

I'm met with his compassionate blue gaze. "You had a severe panic attack, man. One minute you were fine and the next you… weren't."

"I- I've never had one before."

"Edward we're firefighters, we deal with a lot of shit out there. On 9/11 we saw some really fucked up stuff. Don't think you're the first person to go through that."

I rub over my face, it's wet and that's when I realize… I'm crying.

Once that realization hits me, I just let loose and a sob breaks free from deep within my chest. I just can't hold it back anymore and it's gut-wrenching.

I cry for what seems like hours.

I cry for me.

I cry for Bella.

I cry for Jake.

I cry for their baby that will never know its father.

I cry for the men and women that lost their lives and their families that survived.

I cry for America.

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**A/N: **Thank you to all the brave men &amp; women that serve our country. This chapter is dedicated to those that do so &amp; to memories of the ones that lost their lives that horrible day. To them &amp; their families… I thank you each &amp; every one.


	45. Chapter 45

Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV-Edward

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It's been over six weeks now since I had that attack. Not only did it scare me, but I'm pretty

sure it scared the shit out of Emmett as well. Of course, you would never get him to admit that.

I've been going to therapy once a week for the last five weeks now.

Feeling like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, having an elephant sitting on your sternum, and you're fighting for air like a fish out of water. It will tend to make you realize that you're dealing with some major shit in your life.

I am suffering from a mild form of depression caused from stress. He didn't think I had a panic disorder or even PTSD. I have only had the one episode and I'm very lucky. I know it could have been so much worse for me. There's a few in my squad that had to sign-up for temporary Disability workers benefits.

I also learned that I am dealing with guilt.

Guilt is a nasty emotion to live with.

I have guilt over Jake, not being able to get to him sooner. Maybe he would have survived? It eats me up because he asked me to look out for Bella, his pregnant wife and I said I would. I have been doing all that I can to ensure that she is as healthy and happy as she can be, but I haven't told her that it was me that pulled him from the building that day… that guilt alone is what caused that severe panic attack.

When my therapist asked me why I haven't told her it was me? There're a few reasons, but the biggest one is, I don't want her to feel like she is a charity case to me. I guess I could have told her from the start, but things were so jumbled in my mind and hectic in my life that I never got around to it. Time just slipped away from me.

I don't think Jake intended for me to have feelings for his wife when he entrusted her care with me either? I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did, and that has weighed so heavily on my conscious.

Bella is an amazing woman, who wouldn't fall for her if they spent any significant amount of time with her?

I know I need to talk to her, tell her the truth about that day, but I'm afraid of her reaction. I have grown to care deeply for her, I need her in a way that I have never needed anyone before. I can't be there for her and the baby if she tells me to fuck off. That's why I've been a chicken shit and not told her. I'm scared of losing her and I can't lose her, not now, she means more than that promise that I made.

Dammit Jake, I want to honor you and your wishes, but I'm really torn here. I think I'm falling in love with your wife?


	46. Chapter 46

Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

***This is the chapter you've been asking for. **

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**POV**-Edward

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In the last few weeks, my relationship with Bella has been strained, to say the least. I know part of it is my doing. I have been holding her at arm's length, trying to keep some emotional distance between us, but I feel a bit of a disconnect with her as well.

When she first came here, there had been this dull, lifeless look in her eyes. Over time that started to fade away, week by week, and I could see a spark return to her eyes. It would shine brightly when she would laugh and that's why I always tried to make her smile every day that I am around her. I don't know what's going on with her, but I feel like she's holding back.

My therapist says she probably feels some guilt over Jake, like she's betraying him or some shit like that. I don't want Bella to feel guilty. Lord knows I know what that can do to you. It is eating me up inside. I need to talk to Bella and tell her the truth, but first, I have to tell the chief.

That is a conversation I don't want to have.

I knock on the door of the chief's office and wait.

"Come in!" He yells through the door.

I open the door and stick my head in. "Hey, ya got a minute?"

He's sitting there going through some papers. He looks up at me and smiles. "Sure Cullen, come on in."

I walk in and pull the door until it's almost closed. I walk over and take a seat in front of his desk, my knee is bouncing up and down. I shouldn't be nervous, but I am.

The chief just sits there and stares at me, waiting, with a smile on his face. Finally, he speaks. "Something on your mind?"

I drum my fingers on my thighs. "Yeah, I need to talk to you. Well, actually, I need to tell you something."

He nods. "Okay."

My heart is racing. "I- I've been seeing a therapist."

He gives me a warm, accepting smile. "I know, son."

I nod, taking a deep breath I prepare myself. "That day she came here when Bella came here. She told you she lost her husband on 9/11."

He furrows his brows. "Yes."

I scrub my hands over my face. "That day," I have to stop so I can collect my thoughts. "I went in and brought a man out. He barely made it out due to his injuries. I had to carry him most of the way, but during our descent before he lost consciousness, he spoke to me about his wife."

I have to stop and breathe. "He told me she had just found out that day she was pregnant. He said he was going to die and he asked me to… to take care of his wife and child.

The chief looks pale. "What?"

"I didn't know what to do? He was insistent that he wasn't going to make it, but I kept telling him he would. It was his dying wish and I agreed, I promised to look after his wife."

Sighing. "You did the right thing, Edward."

I grimace.

"What's that look, son?"

"Sir, his wife was Bella. I promised to look after Bella."

We hear a thump and a loud gasp coming from somewhere behind me. I turn around in my chair toward the door to see Bella standing there with tears in her eyes and her hand covering her mouth. There're several files scattered on the floor around her feet.

"Oh shit, Bella, let me explain," I exclaim as I jump to my feet, making my way towards her.

She shakes her head as she points her finger at me. "No."

She turns and stalks off out of the office.

I can hear her crying as she makes her way down the hall.

My heart is breaking, my stomach is twisting in knots. I don't think my legs will support me at this moment.

I fall to my knees and pray that Bella will be able to someday forgive me.

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**A/N: **Run &amp; hides… I love y'all. Let me know your thoughts.


	47. Chapter 47

Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69). I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV- Edward

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I couldn't do anything except watch her walk out the door. I felt completely and utterly defeated as I had fallen to my knees in the middle of the chief's office.

He knelt down beside me, placing his hand lightly on my shoulder. It's almost as if he was afraid to touch me like I was some wild animal that would bolt at a moment's notice. Funnily enough… that's how I felt.

"Edward, son, are you alright?"

I just stared at the door, the same one that Bella went through after she turned away from me. The look in her eyes was pure torture. A mixture of emotions played across her delicate face until it settled on one, hurt… she was devastated.

I put that look on her face and if she'll give me the chance to make it up to her, I'll make it right, and I vow to never hurt her again.

"Edward." He shook my shoulder. "Talk to me, you're starting to worry me." His voice escalated at the end.

I shake my head minutely and mumble. "I fucked up."

Sighing. "I have to agree with you there, but you're a good man, Edward. You've always done the right thing. I have no doubt that you'll make things right with that young lady."

I begrudgingly take my eyes off the door and look at the chief. "What if she never wants anything to do with me?"

"First, can we get up out of the floor? This is hard on my knees." He shifts and grimaces.

I look around and realization dawns on me, we're on the floor. "Oh shit, yeah." I begin to stand up.

My knees buckle and I almost fall back to the floor. If not for the quick reflexes of the chief, I would have.

"Easy now, come over here and sit down."

I plop myself heavily onto the chair, feeling as if my legs were made of jelly. I suddenly feel so tired. I just want to go home and sleep, possibly for days.

"Do you need to get checked out?" I don't look at him, but I know he's accessing me as we speak.

I shake my head tiredly. "No, I'm fine. I just stood up too fast."

He observes for a minute and sighs in defeat. "Okay, son, but I want you to go home and rest. As a matter of fact, take a couple of days off."

"But sir-"

He raises his hand and stops me. "No butts, you need the rest and to get your head on straight."

The look on his face, the tone of his voice, there's no room for discussion.

"Alright, I'll take a day off."

He merely raises an eyebrow to me in a challenge.

"Fine, I'll take two days off," I grumble.

He smiles at me, which in turn makes me frown. I cross my arms in defiance.

"Are you happy now?" I mumble.

His smile grows even wider. "Very," He states as he claps his hands together. "Go home, take a shower, get some rest, watch some mindless TV. Relax, two days, Edward." He says, holding up two fingers.

I make my way to the door. The chief has been more to me than a boss. He's been a mentor, a friend, but even more than that, he's someone I look up to. I think of him as a father, and I can't show him my appreciation enough for all he has done for me.

I turn back around and stride back over to him and grab him in a bone crushing hug. He's not my dad, but he's a great fill in when you're in need of one.

Emotions so thick my voice comes out raspy. "Thank you."

He pats my back and nods his head. His voice sounding a bit hoarse. "Two days."

With that, I release him and walk out the door. I have a lot to think about. I need to make plans on what to do about Bella and I have two days to do it.


	48. Chapter 48

Thank you to Kara (StillDreaming85) &amp; Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements intended. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV- Bella

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I make my way out of the office. I manage to hold it together in front of him, but as soon as I'm across that threshold, I break.

I can't believe he's been keeping something like this from me and for all this time.

I stop and brace my hands against the wall, willing myself not to look back. The haunted look in his eyes, tears at my heart, but I can't worry about him right now. He deserves to be in pain, he should feel guilty.

Another sob rips through me and I can no longer support my own weight. I bend over, clinging to the wall, gasping for air, clutching at my stomach.

I feel a set of strong arms wrap around me and I'm lifted off the ground. Through the haze of my breakdown, I glance up to see I'm being carried out of the building. I feel weightless and secure as I snuggle into the muscular chest of my rescuer.

I feel myself being lowered into a seat, and I hear a car door being shut.

I can hear his voice as if he is speaking to someone on a phone, but I don't know who? All I know is I'm in a foggy haze of emotions. My brain just keeps replaying that scene over in a constant loop.

I feel the car come to a stop and then I'm being lifted from the car.

I'm starting to come back to myself when I recognize Rose's voice. "Oh my gosh, Bella, is she alright?"

"She's not physically hurt."

What? That sounds like Emmett.

"Just put her down over here on the couch."

I feel myself being lowered and placed on the couch.

"Thank you for calling me from Bella's cell. I'm Rose, her best friend."

I can hear walking. "I'm Emmett, I was pretty worried about her and it's nice to meet you too."

"So what the hell happened?" She questions him.

"I don't know, but it's possible it could have something to do with a friend of mine, Edward."

I whimper when I hear his name.

Emmett lets out a moan. "Oh hell, he was supposed to come clean, he was going to talk to the chief today about…"

"About what?" Rose inquires.

"Look, it's not my business to say anything, but just know this much, okay? Edward is a great, stand up guy. He'd give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it. He's going through some… shit that's really eating him up inside. He had planned on talking to Bella about it, but it never seemed like the right time. He went today to talk to the chief, to get his advice on the matter. I suspect she might have overheard part of their talk."

"What could they have discussed that would have sent her into hysterics?" She wonders.

"Please don't make me divulge any more than I already have." He pleads.

"Yeah, yeah, sure."

"Look, I have to go and check on a… friend, will you two be okay?"

"Yes, we'll be fine. Thanks for bringing her home."

"You're welcome. Oh, here's her cell back."

"Thank you, for everything."

"Yeah, no problem. It was really nice meeting you, Rose."

"It was really nice meeting you too, Emmett."

I hear the door click shut and footsteps approach. The couch dips down beside me and I pretend I'm asleep. I just can't deal with her or the world right now.

"Bella, are you awake?"

She rubs my hair and kisses my forehead. "You just rest." She murmurs.

She gets up and walks away, turning the light off as she goes.

I lay there in the darkened room, as silent tears make tracks down my cheeks.


	49. Chapter 49

Thank you Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV- Bella

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I wake up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing and the sound of bacon sizzling in the kitchen. I blink slowly, trying to recall where I am and why I am on my couch? I rub the sleep out of my eyes and feel how swollen and tender they are. I draw in a sharp breath as the memory hits me like a tsunami.

Edward… he's the one, he got Jake out of the building and he didn't tell me. He knew all of this time. To make matters worse, he made a promise to my husband, a vow of sorts, to look out for me. So all this time he has been spending time with me, it hasn't been for me, he has been honoring a commitment he made to Jake. I feel sick, disgusted at the thought. I feel like such a damn fool. I thought he might have had… feelings for me, but that was a pregnant woman's foolish brain merely being lonely.

Pain radiates through my entire body as I try to sit up. Sleeping on a couch all night probably isn't recommended for a pregnant woman. I am so stiff and sore I feel as if I can barely move, but the smell of bacon has me trying to get up and on my feet, it's calling my name. So with a mighty groan I haul my seven months pregnant self up off the couch and head toward the kitchen.

"Morning," I say through a yawn, stretching my back, trying to get the kinks out.

"Rose turns around with a set of tongs in her hand. She looks me over and smiles. "Good morning. How did you sleep last night? How are you feeling this morning?"

My shoulders go up in a shrug. "I don't know? I'm confused, tired, sore, emotional. I- I just don't know?"

She sets the tongs down, turns off the stove eye, walks over and sits down beside me. "Okay, so tell me what happened, sweetie?"

With a deep breath, I set out telling her about what happened. She listens intently, squeezing my hand on occasion to show her support. When I finish detailing the whole thing she remains quiet for a moment. I sit and fiddle with a napkin on the table until she can gather her thoughts.

"Geez, wow… I don't know what to make of that, Bella?" She sounded as dismayed at the information I had provided as I was.

I rub my temples. "Yeah, I was pretty shocked by the news when I heard it."

She looks at me with a mixture of sympathy and concern. "So what do you plan on doing?"

I drop my hands into my lap and look at her. There must be a look of confusion on my face because she continues.

"You know, about Edward?"

"I don't know?" I all but whine. "He was supposed to be my friend, Rose and he's lied to me all this time. He doesn't care anything about me, I was just some obligation to him."

"You don't know that for sure."

"Whose side are you on?" I growl at her.

"Yours, Bella, of course, I'm on your side. Look, I know what he did was shitty."

I interrupt her with my rant. "Damn right it was shitty."

She nods. "It was, but maybe, just maybe, he wasn't hanging around you out of obligation to his promise to Jake. Maybe he developed real feelings for, sweetie?"

"Do- do you think that's possible?"

She looks at me and raises her brow. "Really, Bella? I've seen him and he's a fine looking man, okay. Do you think a single twenty-something male would tie himself down to a pregnant woman, attend her doctor's appointments, go shopping with her, take her out to eat, and hold her hair while she barfs up said meal all for a promise he made a man he didn't know? No offence, sweetie." She finishes her speech off with a pat to my hand.

I'm a bit stunned. "Thanks for the boost to my confidence," I say sarcastically.

"Hey, I said no offence." She looks at me all wide-eyed and innocent.

I roll my eyes at her. "If you say so?"

"I think you need a cooling off period, you know to think about things. Let him think things over and then maybe by then you'll know what you want to say to him, yeah?"

Exhaling while rubbing my stomach. "I think you're right… this time."

"Just this time?" She smiles a beautiful, toothy grin at me.

I smile back at her. "I might admit to one more if you'll give me some of that bacon."

She cracks up at that. "I can do that, but no coffee for you."

I groan in frustration. "I know, drill sergeant."

We both laugh at that and with a much lighter conversation, we eat our breakfast.

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**A/N:** She's ok, physically. Give her some time to wrap her head around what she found out.


	50. Chapter 50

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read**.

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**POV**\- Edward

The days have crept by since Bella overheard my conversation with the chief. I have felt like the world's biggest asshole. I have tried to call her, but she won't take my calls. I try to text her and they just go unanswered. I don't want to be pushy, but I really want the opportunity to try to explain myself to her. I didn't mean for her to find out the way she did. That had to be an awful shock to her.

I dial her number again, it rings several times and goes to her voice mail. My hand grips the phone tightly as her voice comes through the speaker. "_You've reached Bella, I can't take your call right now, but if you leave me a message, I'll call you back._"

I know it's useless to leave another voicemail, but call me a masochist, I just can't help myself. "Bella, hey, It's me again, Edward," I scrub my hand down my face. I feel like such a tool for the repeated texts and calls to her, but I have to try to get her to talk to me. "I- I don't want to talk to your voicemail, sweetness, please talk to me. I swear I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how, you-" The time ran out on me, dammit.

I bring up her name in my text messaging and I start typing. 'My life was changed, turned, and twisted, when I knew our friendship no longer existed. I know I was wrong, I know I messed up, and that's why I'm sitting here typing this up. I'm sorry for all the things I let go to my head, I'm sorry for all the things that I said. I'll make it better I'll make it oh so right, as long as you promise us never to fight.' I hit send and hope that by me pouring my heart out in a sappy poem it will get her to answer me sooner rather than later, if at all? She may be so mad at me she may never speak to me again?

I wait for a few minutes and there's no reply. I throw my phone down in frustration. I know I don't have anyone to blame except myself, but fuck, if she would just listen to me.

"How long can she stay mad at me?" I mutter bitterly to myself. I pick up my guitar and start strumming away mindlessly at it. I'm humming along to some songs that I heard playing before on the radio when it hits me. If she'll just answer the phone I can sing my apology to her and make her understand how truly sorry I am.

It seems like a perfect plan to me, so I start practicing it, for the time that she will actually take my call. It's been nearly two damn weeks of me calling and texting her, trying to tell her how truly sorry I am. If she doesn't answer me soon, I'll just go to her house. I've given her space I felt she needed. It's time we work this out and hopefully… move on.

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**A/N:** The poem I used was not mine. I found it via google. It was by, Emily Long, published 4-10 &amp; was Titled Friendship Lost. People have mixed emotions about this &amp; how it's playing out. All I know is, give her time. It was a shock to her. Also Edward is human, so is Bella. Yes this is fic &amp; I could snap my fingers &amp; fix it in a blink of an eye, but then you all would call me on that, too. I'm not a big fan of angst. Just hang in there with me, we will get them there! :) Thanks!


	51. Chapter 51

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read**.

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**POV**\- Edward

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I grab my guitar and head for the door. She can avoid my texts and reject my calls, well, let's see what she does when I show up on her doorstep. She won't be able to block me out and my apology for long.

I pull up to Bella's yellow, ranch style house that sits on a beautiful level lot. I can just imagine the prettiest flowers running beside the house, in bloom come this spring. Bella has always taken so much joy in taking care of everyone and everything. The reverent way she regards her friends. The way she talks about them, it's evident how much she cares for them. That's why I know when she gives herself to something she gives her all. I've seen pictures of this house before, it was in an immaculate state when Jake was alive. She really took pride in the house then, now it could use a little work. It's about time someone made sure she was taken care of and I plan on seeing that through.

I get out of my car and grab my guitar out of the backseat. I'm nervous, this has to work or I stand to let quite a few people down. Myself and Bella being the two main ones.

I walk up the sidewalk and onto the front porch. I knock on her door and wait… and wait.

I know she's here, her car is here. I go to the window and look in, but I don't see her. She could be in a different room other than the living room.

I get my cell out and call her home phone first… nothing. Then, I try her cell and I can hear the damn thing ringing in the living room. I just shake my head and chuckle at her. 'That's okay, sweetness, no worries.' I think to myself.

I prop my guitar case up against the house and open it, taking out my Gibson acoustic. I sit down on the banister in front of the window, supporting the guitar on my right leg. I just start strumming, humming lightly to get started and then, I begin to sing.

_Everybody needs a little time away_

_I heard her say_

_From each other_

_Even lovers need a holiday_

_Far away from each other_

_Hold me now_

_It's hard for me to say I'm sorry_

_I just want you to stay_

_After all that we've been through_

_I will make it up to you_

_I promise to_

_And after all that's been said and done_

_You're just a part of me I can't let go_

_Couldn't stand to be kept away_

_Just for the day_

_From your body_

_Wouldn't want to be swept away_

_Far away_

_From the one that I love_

_Hold me now_

_It is hard for me to say I'm sorry_

_I just want you to know_

_Hold me now_

_I really want to tell you I'm sorry_

_I could never let you go_

_After all that we've been through_

_I will make it up to you_

_I promise to_

_After all that's been said and done_

_You're just a part of me, I can't let go_

I strummed the last chord of the song with tears in my eyes. I stood up and put the guitar back in its case and close it. She didn't come out during the song, I've done too much, hurt her too badly.

I've lost her.

I pick up my guitar and walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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**A/N: **The song was Chicago's Hard to Say I'm Sorry. I got the lyrics off Google. Don't hunt me down. :)


	52. Chapter 52

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- **Edward

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I walk out to my car in a daze. She didn't like the song, my singing to her. She rejected me and my apology.

I want to be mad at her for not coming out and facing me, telling me herself that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, but I'm not.

I open the backdoor to my car and place the guitar in the seat.

I get in the driver's seat and lay my head on the steering wheel.

I know I probably should get out of here, I've made a big enough of a fool of myself without her thinking I am out here crying like some lovesick bitch.

I sniff and wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my t-shirt. How ironic… I am sitting out here crying like some lovesick bitch.

I lean over to get the keys out of my left pocket when there's a knock on the window causing me to startle.

I look to my left and see Mrs. Swan, Bella's mother, standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.

I roll down the window. "Hello, Mrs. Swan, how are you doing?"

"Better than you, it seems." She narrows her eyes at me appraising me.

I exhale heavily. "I wasn't bothering anything, I just wanted to try to speak with Bella."

Upon hearing Bella's name, her eyes begin to soften and her stance becomes less rigid. "She's not here, Edward."

I look from her to the house and back again. "What? I heard her cell phone ring in there." I indicate with my head to the house.

She nods her head. "We had to, uh, leave in a hurry. She forgot it here."

I get out of my car shutting the door. I want to know what's going on.

My brows furrow. "Why did she have to leave in such a hurry that she forgot her cell? When was this? What happened?" Something isn't right here.

"Now Edward, I don't want you to worry," She reassures me by patting my arm.

"It's a little late for that, Mrs. Swan… tell me what's wrong?"

"Okay, do you want to come in?" She points toward the house.

"No thank you, I just want to know what's going on with my Bella?" Shit did I just say that? It slipped out.

She smiles at me letting me know she heard my slip up, but composes herself when she starts to tell me about Bella. "Her doctor thought it would be best if she came in and got monitored. She has been under so much stress lately," she informs me, looking me in the eye. "She started having contractions. Well, we thought they were contractions until we got to the hospital, but they weren't. It turns out they were strong Braxton hicks. They're keeping her just to be safe since the baby isn't due for-"

"Another eight weeks." I finish for her.

"Yes, another eight weeks." She looks frazzled.

"Where is she? When did they take her in?" I need to get to her.

"Last night. We were in such a rush she forgot to get her cell. I was coming by here to get it and I don't know if I should tell you where she is at?" She looks worn out. I can only imagine how worried she has been over Bella.

I look at her imploringly. "Please, Mrs. Swan, I just need to talk to her, to tell her how sorry I am."

She looks at me, studies me for a moment and sighs. "I always did like you."

I can't help but grin. "Parents usually do."

She narrows her eyes playfully at me. "Watch it, mister." She scolds me, pointing her finger at me.

"I'm sorry, I'm desperate, Mrs. Swan."

"Okay, but enough with the Mrs. Swan nonsense. Call me Renee from now on."

Pride radiates through me as I take in her request. She just asked me to call her Renee. She accepts me, forgives me. Now to get Bella to do the same.

"Thank you, Renee, I'm honored," I say, as I lay my hand on my chest across my heart.

She bites on her bottom lip and now I know where Bella got that habit from.

"Mercy Hope room 402 B."

I sigh from pure relief.

"Just… don't hurt her, Edward. She's had enough of that."

I nod. "I won't, I promise."

"Take care of her."

"That's one promise I made to myself and I plan on keeping that one."

She walks up to me puts her arms around me and hugs me. "Thank you, Edward."

I pat her on the back, anxious to get to Bella. "Take care, Renee."

I'm on my way, Bella.

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**A/N:** I'm sorry about not responding to any of the reviews for the last chapter. FFN as many of you know, was down for several days. I couldn't see the reviews for days &amp; when I finally could, I couldn't respond to them. Please know that I appreciate each &amp; every single one of your reviews so much. I had a rough couple of days &amp; when I was able to see the reviews, it made my day brighter. I truly do love receiving &amp; reading every one of them. Thank you for being patient with me in my unpredictable posting schedule. I have several chronic health issues that affect me on a day to day basis. Having fibromyalgia, I often don't have the energy or concentration to write… so I am truly blessed that my readers are so understanding. Thank you!


	53. Chapter 53

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- **Edward

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Standing outside Bella's hospital room, I'm apprehensive about going in. My stomach clenches painfully at the idea of her rejecting me.

I can't believe a petite, mahogany haired, brown-eyed, beauty like Bella would ever want someone like me; but I have to hope that she can see past the rough exterior, my career, the secret I kept from her and accept me for who I am.

A man that will be there for her, stand beside her and help support her in whatever she wants to do with her life.

I want the best for her.

I want to help raise her baby because when I saw that little guy on the ultrasound the first time… I was simply a goner for him.

I love them both.

I don't know if Bella will want to hear that or not, but I am hoping she will hear me out at least.

I take a deep breath and release it slowly to try and steady my nerves. I open the door slowly, peeking around the wooden barrier that separates me from Bella.

I can see the foot of her bed so I push the door open so I can see her fully.

Bella is asleep and she looks like she is resting peacefully.

I just stand there and watch her sleep. This might be the last time I get to see her, so I want to take the sight of her in while I can.

She looks tired, even in her slumber, with dark circles beneath her eyes, but it doesn't detract from her beauty.

I step closer to her, marveling at this woman and how strong she is. I run the back of my fingers over her cheek, I'm astonished at how soft she feels. "You're so beautiful," I whisper to her.

Her eyes start to move under their lids and her lashes begin to flutter. Then, her eyes slowly open, and I'm met with a bleary-eyed stare of Bella.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I murmur.

She looks at me, confused. "Edward?"

I offer her a slight smile. "Yes, sweetness?" I coo to her, as I smooth her hair off her forehead.

She shakes her head as if trying to clear the sleep from it. "Wha- what are you doing here?"

I pull up a chair beside her bed and sit down. "I couldn't stay away, sweetness. Not when I thought something was wrong with you and Bean."

Tears start to gather in her eyes.

"Don't cry, sweetness, never cry over me… please." I implore her.

She looks at me, the tears spilling out of her eyes now, running down her cheeks. "You lied to me. You- you've been lying to me this whole time."

I shake my head. "I didn't lie to you. Yes, I didn't tell you about my involvement with Jake, I was the one to get him out of the tower that day, but I didn't lie to you."

She swipes at her face angrily and glares at me. "That's just semantics, Edward. It was a lie by omission."

I drop my head into my hands and grab roughly at my hair. "How was I supposed to bring it up, start that conversation with you? What was I supposed to say? Hey, you remember the worst fucking day of your life? I was there to witness the devastation first hand. Oh yeah, and I'm the one that pulled your husband out of there. We talked about you and your pregnancy on the way out. He asked me, made me promise to take care of you both. And would you pass me the salt"?" I finish my diatribe and I know I went too far, but I just couldn't stop myself.

I look up at Bella and she looks shocked to say the least and I feel like a fucking asshole.

"Bella, I'm sorr-"

She stops me before I can finish. "Fuck you, Edward."

She crosses her arms over her chest and rests them on her growing baby bump.

My eyes are drawn to her belly. I long to touch it, to feel him kick beneath my palm. Every time we have gone for an ultrasound they haven't been able to see if it's a boy or a girl? I think it's a boy, though, because he kicks like a soccer player.

"Is the baby, okay?" I question, in hopes to break the ice with her.

She just sits there for a moment, staring and I think she's not going to speak.

"Yes, she's fine," She responds with an attitude.

"She?" I inquiry.

She slowly turns to look at me. "You say he's going to be a soccer player? Well, girls can play too you know?"

I nod my head, a slow grin creeping across my face. "You're right, you're absolutely right about that, sweetness, but..." I place my hand on her stomach, "he will play many other sports besides soccer."

She places her hand over mine and the electricity crackles between us.

She has a wicked smile as she informs me. "Girls can play a variety of sports too, and soccer is only one of them."

I throw my head back and laugh at her brazen wit. It feels good to banter and laugh with her again. I think she feels the same way?

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I tell her sincerely.

Her beautiful brown eyes soften as she looks at me. "I know, Edward."

I take her hand in mine and intertwine our fingers.

"You have to know, it was never about a promise for me. I'm here, for you, because I want to be."

She squeezes my fingers. "And I think… this is where I want you to be?"


	54. Chapter 54

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- **Edward

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It's the next day and Bella is being released from the hospital. She has strict instructions to take it easy for a few days and I plan on making sure she abides by them.

I'm on my way to pick her up from the hospital now and I'm filled with nervous energy.

We crossed a major hurdle yesterday. I told her of my involvement with Jake and how I had kept that information from her. Somehow she found it within herself to forgive me?

Where we stand now, I don't exactly know? I don't want to push her into something she's not ready for physically, as well as emotionally.

I'll just continue to be there for her, supporting her until she's ready for more and when that day comes, I'll be there waiting with open arms.

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I arrive at the hospital and walk into Bella's room. She's sitting there on the bed, propped up with some pillows watching TV.

When she sees me a big beautiful grin graces her face.

I return her smile because- her's is just so infectious. "Morning, sweetness." I proclaim cheerfully before I bend down and kiss her cheek.

She, of course, blushes and damn, I love that I can have that effect on her.

"Good morning, Edward." She murmurs shyly.

I plant myself at the foot of her bed as I push the tray table out of the way.

"You had your breakfast. Was it any good?"

She wrinkles her nose up adorably. "It kept me from being hungry."

My eyebrows rose in surprise. "That bad, huh?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I love to cook. I guess I'm just a critic."

I have to chuckle at that. "I guess my boxed mac and cheese didn't make the grade then?" I tease her.

She looks at me warmly. "I loved our mac and cheese movie nights."

We sit there staring at one another, the air around us feels thick and charged as we look into each other's eyes.

I reach for her foot and begin to rub my thumb up the instep with firm pressure.

Her eyes start to flutter as I pick her foot up and place it in my lap, rubbing it from her heel up to her toes and back, going around to the top and back down to the arch.

When she drops her head back onto her pillow and lets out a low moan, I can't help but to whisper a quiet "fuck" to myself.

What started out as a playful foot rub is headed into dangerous territory for me.

I have to discreetly shift and try to move Bella's foot away from my growing arousal. I don't need her to feel how hard my dick is with her foot.

That would be embarrassing.

I shift again because the situation in my pants is a bit uncomfortable.

Bella raises her head from her pillow and looks at my pained expression.

"What's wrong Edward? Am I hurting you?" She questions me.

'_If you only knew._' I thought to myself.

I shake my head. "No, no you're fine." I all but squeak out.

She furrows her brows. "Then, why do you look like you're trying to figure out why Britney stayed with Justin so long?"

I look at her like she had lost her lost her mind. "Say what, now?"

She laughs at me as she shakes her head. "Never mind. Edward, it wouldn't hurt you to watch something besides SpongeBob all the time."

I purse my lips and narrow my eyes. "Watch it, woman. No one disses Bob."

She giggles as she holds up her hand in surrender. "Sorry, you can watch all the SpongeBob you want."

I bob my head. "Damn right."

"I prefer Patrick, anyway," she whispers.

I sit there, stunned, just gaping at her as she laughs at me.

"You should see your face, you look like a fishy."

The corner of my mouth raises as I fight to laugh at her. "A fishy?"

She crosses her arms and tries to act annoyed. "Hmph."

"Awww… don't be mad, sweetness." I coo to her as I begin to rub her ankle.

She gazes at me, her moods changing quickly.

"You don't play fair." Her voice held a slight tremble to it.

I give her a cocky smirk. "I never claimed I did." For good measure, I winked at her.

"Knock, Knock." We hear someone say as they knock on the door coming into the room.

We both turn toward the door to see who it is. In walks, a man, I assume he's Bella's doctor?

"Good morning, Mrs. Black. Are you ready to get out of here today?" He asks her a little too cheerfully for my taste.

Nodding her head. "Yes, very much so."

He looks to me and introduces himself. "Hello, I'm Mrs. Black's doctor. Dr. Duncan."

I shake his hand. "Edward. I'm a… friend."

He turns back to Bella. "Like I told you yesterday, I'll release you today, but you have to go home and rest for a few days." He gave her a pointed look.

"I will, I promise."

"Good. That means no standing at the stove cooking, cleaning, working, and you should hold off on intercourse as well." The doctor ticks off his list.

Bella's face turns so red I thought she quit breathing? I might have been a bit embarrassed too, but only because he looked between us when he said the no intercourse rule.

I clear my throat. "I'll make sure she sticks to the rules, doc."

He smiles at me. "Good. If you don't have any questions for me, I'll go get started on the paperwork?"

We both shook our heads to the negative.

"Take care of yourself and I'll see you in the office for a follow-up in a week."

"Thank you, Dr. Duncan."

"I'll just step out and let you get dressed… unless you need help? Of course you don't need help, you've been doing fine by yourself, You know what, I'll be out in the hall." I ramble awkwardly.

I step out into the hall and lean against the wall. I scrub my hand over my face. I can do this… I think?


	55. Chapter 55

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for your help. I don't own Twilight. SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringements subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- **Bella

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We arrived home from the hospital two days ago and it feels so good to be back, even if Edward won't allow me to do anything except lift the damn remote control.

I'm surprised he didn't try to insist on carrying me in from the car. I don't know if he's being more helpful at this point or annoying? I have to say… he does look especially cute wearing my '_Kiss the Cook_' apron.

Watching him and my mom interact has been… interesting.

She always got along with Jake. She never had any issues with him, but she never went out of her way to be overly pleasant with him either.

The last few days she had stayed here with me in order to help out. When Edward comes over they're like two long lost friends, they just chat away as they prepare whatever meal it is that they are working on.

They're thick as thieves.

It's not that I care, it's just… weird.

I had introduced mom to Edward before and she had seemed indifferent to him then, like she didn't care about him or our friendship one way or the other.

Now here they are in my kitchen, preparing supper for us and they're talking to each other non-stop and mom is laughing like a schoolgirl.

I just smile at them and shake my head. If they have to spend time together at least they're getting along.

"What put that smile on your face?" Mom asks me as she sits a glass of juice on the table beside me.

I look up at her and laugh. She has on a yellow apron that announces '_Hot Stuff Coming Through_.' "Really mom? Where did you get that?" I question her, pointing to the bright yellow apron.

She lifts her chin and crosses her arms. "Edward got it for me," she states proudly.

I cover my mouth to smother the laugh that undoubtedly would hurt her feelings. "What? Why did he get that for you?"

She scowls at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm not saying you're not 'hot stuff', geez, mom." I assure her, trying to keep the eye rolling to a minimum.

"You only had one apron and we needed two since we were both cooking at the same time. He was out and saw this one and he thought it was fitting… seeing how I'm going to be a 'hot grandma'. She adds smugly.

"Oh lord," I mutter.

"What's wrong, dear?" She inquires with a smile playing on her lips.

I give her the evil eye. "I know you and your wicked ways, Lucy. You're in there trying to gain a new recruit, aren't you?"

She just smirks at me.

"Oh no," I groan, "he's going to be your Ethel, isn't he? You all are going to double team me and cause all kinds of mischief in my life."

She laughs at my torment. "Be prepared, Ricky," She confirms my suspicions with a wicked laugh.

I lay my head back on the armrest of the couch and cover my face with a pillow. I want her to think I'm upset, but really I'm thrilled they're getting along so well.

I drop the pillow once I hear her enter the kitchen. I want to be able to hear them better.

They sound like two old hens clucking around in the kitchen the way they are chattering and laughing.

I hug the pillow to my chest and smile.

I could get used to this.

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**A/N**: For those of that don't understand the Lucy, Ethel &amp; Ricky mentions in the chapter, it's for the show 'I Love Lucy'. Lucy &amp; Ethel were best friends &amp; were always getting into trouble. They would always give Ricky a hard time. Renee (Lucy) &amp; Edward (Ethel) gave Bella (Ricky) a hard time. I just thought it was a cute reference.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to each of your reviews individually. I have been dealing with cluster migraines &amp; it's not been easy for me. I just want you all to know that I have read them all &amp; I can't thank you enough for them. I'm so grateful for everyone of them &amp; to each of you for reading.


	56. Chapter 56

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Bella**

I'm eight and a half months pregnant now and I feel like I'm carrying a beach ball under my shirt, a very heavy, uncomfortable one at that.

The last few weeks have been pretty routine around here since I had the scare with the Braxton Hicks contractions.

Mom, who has been so wonderful to me, ended up staying four days longer than what she had intended. When dad called asking her how to turn on the washing machine, due to not having any clean underwear, she figured it was time to go home.

I was ready for her to go two days prior to that, but I'd never tell her that.

Edward… he went back to work after the third day, but instead of going home when his shifts end, he showers at the station and comes here.

He has been so wonderful to me.

We've had many late night chats over takeout and dinners he's cooked on his days off.

He's insightful, helping me think things through without being too intrusive.

He's loyal, caring, funny, and he is the most genuine man I've known… apart from Jake.

I talk to my therapist a lot about Jake, of course, and I also talk to him about Edward.

For a man of science to say what he said to me… it kind of threw me a bit.

"Fate."

He said maybe it was fate intervened and placed Edward in the path to find Jake.

"From what you say, Jake was an intuitive man and I'm sure he could sense that Edward was a good man. Fate dealt the cards, Jake merely played the hand." Mr. Bainer, my therapist surmised.

I just sat there stunned for a moment.

"So you're saying you believe in fate?" I questioned him.

"Yes, I do."

"That's not very logical."

"Neither is love," he retorted.

"So, do you think it was Jake's fate, or mine, that he met Edward that day?"

"Both," he stated simply, "remember, you met Edward later… on your own."

I looked out the window of his office, lost in thought. Could we have been set on a course, destined to meet one another, due to the events of that day?

Could it be fate?

I do think maybe Edward was put in my life for a reason; whether it be because Jake could tell he was a good man or fate? He's here now and he's not going anywhere.

I rub my baby bump. "We're lucky to have him. Edward won't replace your father, but I know he'll care for you."

I got a swift kick in acknowledgment. I smile and continue to rub my belly. With a contented sigh leaving my lips, I convey to my rounded stomach. "I love you, Bean."

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**A/N:** I truly appreciate your support more than you will know. I have an author's page and an author's group as well, both can be found under the name of MyWindowIsOpen Fan Fiction. I post teasers sometimes in the group. **Sherry is really sick, sending prayers &amp; well wishes out to her. Love ya, bb! Earlene, you rock! ;) **


	57. Chapter 57

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it a M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

"Go out with me." I break the silence, wanting to ask Bella to go out with me has been on my mind for quite some time now. Taking in consideration that we spend so much of our free time together, it's slightly ironic, me asking her out. I don't want to pressure her, but I want to try to progressively move our relationship forward.

If Bella needs a little push, I'll be more than happy to give her a small… nudge in the right direction.

She lays her book down she was reading. We often sit for hours in companionable silence, while reading. "Go out with you? Like on a date?"

I put my book down as well, devoting all my attention to the woman in front of me. "Would you like for it to be a date? Would you like to go on a date… with me?"

She shifts around, getting more comfortable. "It's not that I wouldn't want to, Edward."

I look at her expectantly, waiting for her to elaborate on her thought process. "But?"

This adorable little scowl appears on her face. "I'm almost nine months pregnant, Edward."

I look at her with a mock sense of shock. "You are? And here all, this time, I thought you were just bloated from the beans you ate from lunch?"

She wrinkles her nose. "That ain't right."

I rub my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. "Sorry," I manage to mumble.

The next thing I know I'm being hit in the head with a throw pillow and Bella is laughing, trying to look innocent.

"I can't believe you just did that? That's not why they're called throw pillows, sweetness."

"Blah, blah, blah…" She mocks me.

"Stop your whining, Edward. We will hear enough crying when the baby comes."

We're laughing at her antics until I realize what she just said. I think she does too, since she gets serious all of a sudden.

She said we would hear enough of the baby crying. That means she plans for me being around for a long time.

"So you want to take me out?"

"Uh," I clear my throat. Glad that Bella's trying to break the tension from a moment ago. "Yeah, I do."

"What did you have in mind?"

I shrug. "Ladies choice."

She rubs her baby bump, that's much more than a bump now and thinks. "Hmmm… how about Mexican?"

I smile because we both love Mexican food. "Sounds good to me."

"Okay, let me grab my things and we can go."

I stand and help her off the couch. She walks, or waddles off in her case, to get her things and I stand there watching her with the biggest grin on my face.

We're going on a date.


	58. Chapter 58

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

"So, where would you like to go?" I ask Bella, as I assist her in putting her jacket on.

It has been an average of 40 degrees today. It's not freezing, but pretty damn close, and a jacket is definitely needed in this weather.

"Uh, Rose said she and Emmett went to this place called 'El Parador Cafe' the other. Have you ever been there?" She asks me, catching me off guard with the news of Rose and Emmett going out.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Emmett hasn't said anything to me about having a date with Rose? I know they talk, but I didn't know they had a date.

"Rose and Em went out together?" I inquire.

She pulls her long mahogany hair from the collar of her coat. "Thank you," She thanks me for helping her with her jacket. "Yeah, I mean, they've been talking for a while now," She recalls absentlymindedly, as she searches for her purse.

I reach behind her and pick her purse up off the table, handing it to her. "There it is," she says, shaking her head. "Thanks. Anyway, Emmett called Rose and asked her out. She had been waiting for him to ask her out ever since the day he brought me… home."

She fidgets with her hands, looking anywhere besides at me.

"I'm glad he asked her out," I tell her honestly.

She looks at me skeptically. "You are?"

"Sure. He's a really good guy and she seems like a great girl… I hope they can make it work." I implore her to believe me.

"That's- really nice of you."

I smile at her beautiful face. "Didn't anyone ever tell you, I am a nice guy?" I tease her, giving her a wink for good measure.

Opening the car door, she gets in. "I figured that out on my own." Then she laughs at me as I stand there staring at her like an idiot. She just blew me away, but it shouldn't surprise me, Bella is an amazing woman who leaves me breathless and bewildered on several occasions.

~C~

I'm so full it feels like the button on my pants will pop off at any given moment now.

I have never seen a woman eat the way Bella ate tonight, pregnant or not.

I'm not complaining, I enjoyed every single second of her indulging in the food we had ordered tonight.

I have a new appreciation for fajitas, watching her assemble them was very entertaining. "You have to spread the refried beans on first, Edward, it holds the rice in place." She explained, as she demonstrated, constructing her fajita to perfection.

Watching as she wrapped her plump, pink, lips around the meaty concoction, had me squirming in my seat.

By the time we were finished and she was licking the caramel sauce off the spoon from the 'Flan De La Casa' she had ordered, I had to excuse myself to the restroom.

~C~

"I had a really nice time," She looks up at me through her lashes. "Thank you, Edward."

I reach out, cupping her face, running my thumb over her cheek. Loving the feel of her smooth skin under my rougher palm.

"I'm glad you had a good time, sweetness, because," I step closer to her, "I know I sure did."

She reaches up, placing her hand around my wrist that's cupping her face. Her eyes searching mine. "Edward?" She murmurs.

I lean forward and place a lingering kiss to the center of her forehead. "Good night, sweetness," I whisper softly against her skin.

I pull away from her reluctantly and her eyes are closed. "Good night, Edward," She mumbles as she slowly opens them.

I gradually walk backwards off the porch as she walks inside, slowly easing the door to closed, until I can no longer see her.

"Good night, my Bella."

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**A/N:** * Dreamy sigh * I love him!


	59. Chapter 59

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

I should know better than to stay out late and do things I shouldn't do, but when it comes to Bella, my sweetness, I tend to throw the rules out the fucking window and just go with what feels good.

I knew I had to start my 24 hours on shift this morning, but I couldn't give up my time with Bella last night.

Spending time with her, no matter if we're reading, watching TV, taking a walk, or gorging ourselves on fajitas; she brings a sense of calm to me, a feeling of peace.

Like no matter where I'm at, as long as she's there, I'm home.

Dropping her off at her house last night, I wanted to kiss her more than anything, but I could see the apprehension in her eyes. She's still scared, and healing. I don't want to push her too far, too fast.

~C~

The sirens start to wail overhead, announcing that there's a fire and we all jump into action.

We run to get our gear and suit up, heading to the massive rig.

I've been on my shift for approximately 4 hours of my 24 and we're already on a call, this doesn't bode well.


	60. Chapter 60

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

We are all exhausted, covered in soot and sweat, frustrated due to the fact that the fire was a stupid accident.

A man got drunk while smoking and then he passed out with a lit cigarette in his hand. Apparently he dropped it on the couch where it then rolled between the cushions.

The man woke up, unaware the lit cigarette was in his couch, so he stumbled his way to the bed.

The cigarette smoldered, becoming hot enough to catch the cushion a flame, lighting up the whole couch.

It spread quickly to the nearby drapes.

He didn't have any working smoke detectors, and the only thing that saved his life was the paperboy. He was running a bit late this morning and came to knock on the door, smelling smoke, he got scared and called 911 to report the fire.

"I don't understand why people don't have smoke detectors in their homes?" I complain to Emmett, as I slam my locker door.

"There's no excuse not to own one," he growls.

"How many free ones did we give away this past year?" I ask redundantly.

"I don't remember, thousands of them."

I sigh. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I'm right behind ya, man."

~C~

Standing in the shower, I have the spray beating down on me as hot as it will go. Leaning my head against the wall, the scalding water feels splendid on my tired, overworked muscles.

"Cullen!" Murphy yells at me. "You have a phone call."

"Take a message, tell them I'll call them later."

Fuck, after I take a nap.

"She says it's important," Murphy relays yet another message to me.

I look up, he's standing in the doorway, holding the cordless phone to his chest.

I swallow around the lump that's in my throat. "Who- who is it?" I ask nervously.

He puts the phone back to his ear. "Ma'am, who's calling?"

He looks at me with the phone pressed to his chest, covering the mouthpiece. "She says her name is Bella and to tell you, it's time."

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**A/N: **The last chapter was shorter, but keep in mind, this is a drabble. That means the chapters are supposed to be 100 words. Anything over that is a bonus, right? ;) As always thank you SO much for reading AND if you review… I appreciate each &amp; every one from the bottom of my heart. I love y'all! *heart eyes*


	61. Chapter 61

**Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read. **

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**POV- Edward**

He looks at me with the phone pressed to his chest, covering the mouthpiece. "She says her name is Bella and to tell you, it's time."

Fuck, it's time. I reach up with shaking hands and turn the water off, rushing to grab a towel. I hurry and wrap it around my waist as I stride over to Murphy to get the phone. "Sweetness, it's me," I try to say as calmly as I can, even though those two words have me a damn mess of knotted nerves inside. "Are you alright? Are you on your way to the hospital? How far apart are your contractions?" I fire questions at her one after another before she has a chance to answer even one of them.

She groans into the receiver and that only causes my nerves to spike. "Edward," she drawls out my name.

My hand shoots up to my head, immediately going into my hair, tugging it for all it's worth. "I'm here, Bella, try to breathe," I advise her like we learned in birthing class. We were the only couple there that wasn't an actual couple, but it didn't matter to us, we're friends and after we got to know the other three couples in the class, they were cool with our situation.

"Mmm…," she moans. "It hurts so bad, Edward," She grumbles, obviously in pain.

Laying the phone on my shoulder so I can hold it with my head as I attempt to put my boxer briefs on as I talk to her. I'm hopping around the locker room trying to get my damn foot in the leg hole, all the while trying to not drop the phone.

"Whitwheew."

Someone whistles and I spin around dropping the phone to the floor. I'm now standing there facing Emmett. I'm holding my boxers in my hand, one leg through one leg hole and one leg… not.

"That was a mighty fine show you were putting on there, Edward," he says, as he lowers his iPhone. "I got it all on video." He snickers, holding up the phone like a trophy.

I stand there gaping at him, stunned for a second and then I remember what I was doing. "Bella." I turn around to retrieve the phone off the floor, bending over to pick it up.

"Whoa, I didn't need to see that!" Emmett hollers.

I pick the phone up and turn around leveling Emmett with an icy glare. "Fuck off. I don't have time for this shit." I bark at him angrily.

The smug smirk slides from his face as I place the phone back to my ear. "Sweetness, are you still there?" I'm nearly frantic with nerves.

"Hee hee hoo… I'm here, where are you?"

"Uh, at the station?" She must be in a lot of pain. I don't want to remind her she called me here, lest I get my head chewed off. I've heard horror stories about laboring women and how angry they can get.

"What are you doing, Edward? Why haven't you left yet? Ow… ow… oww, Wie Eee."

I run my hand over my face. "I was in the shower when you called. I'm getting my clothes on as we speak. Tell me, Bella, do I need to go to your house to pick you up or are you at the hospital already?"

"I- I'm already at th- the hospital." She wails out, crying uncontrollably. If this is how it's going to be, I don't know if I can handle her moods? She's already given me whiplash from a less than a five minute phone conversation.

"Shhh… don't cry, sweetness. Everything's going to be alright." I try my best to reassure her.

"Just get here, please. I- I need you here with me. I don't think I can do this without you? I need you."

Something akin to a volcano erupts in my chest, sending molten hot lava through my veins. She needs me, even if it's under duress, she wants me there and it warms me, radiates all over my body, knowing that she wants me in some capacity.

"I'll be there, sweetness, I'm hanging up the phone now and I'm heading out the door," I assure her.

"O- Okay. Be careful, Edward."

"I will, I'll see ya soon." With that, we hang up and I head for the hospital. Glad that my nerves allowed to be able to finally multitask enough to where I could dress as I spoke to her on the phone.

I'd hate for another wasted minute to pass without me spending it with my sweetness in her time of need.

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**A/N: **I'm sorry it's taken me so long. This chapter was in reserve &amp; I was holding onto it because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to write another one later on. I have managed over the last week or so, to piece together 2 whole chapters. YAY, ME. Note the sarcasm. It was like pulling teeth. I hope you all understand &amp; will be patient with me? I'm trying.


	62. Chapter 62

Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV- Edward

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"I will, I'll see ya soon." With that, we hang up and I head for the hospital. Glad that my nerves allowed for me to be able to finally multitask enough to where I could dress as I spoke to her on the phone.

I'd hate for another wasted minute to pass without me spending it with my sweetness in her time of need.

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And the line goes silent, she hung up. I pitch the phone aside and grab my jacket as I head for the door.

I'm heading to go help the woman I care about more than anything in this world, my sweetness, bring another man's baby into the world, and I am already irrevocably in love with him too.

I don't care that the baby isn't mine by blood, he'll be mine in every sense that a child could mean to a father, if she'll allow me? I'll be there for her too, but that's a bridge that we've yet to cross.

I arrive at the hospital in record time, using my emergency warning lights to get me through traffic faster. I rush inside to the information desk, stopping long enough to find out Bella's room number, 332B.

I quickly make my way toward the elevators, pressing the button that indicates up. I stand there for what seems like an hour without an elevator making an appearance, so I make a snap decision and take the stairs.

By the time I reach the third floor, I am well on my way to being out of breath and just a tad bit sweaty. Bending over placing my hands on my knees trying to catch a second wind, I chastise myself. I'm a fireman for fuck's sake, I shouldn't be this winded after three damn floors.

Straightening up, I walk to the nurse's station. "Could you tell me which way is room number 332B, please?"

The greyed haired nurse looks up from the chart and smiles. "Sure," she responds brightly. "It's straight down this hall," she points straight ahead. "First room on your right."

I offer her a relieved smile. "Thank you..." I wait for her tell me her name.

"Earlene."

"Thank you, Earlene."

"No problem," she replies.

I knock lightly on Bella's door, peeking my head around it to see if she had possibly fallen asleep? She's laying there quietly on her left side, her back to the door. I can hear the baby's heart being monitored by the machine, it sounds good, strong, like music to my ears.

I step into the room, closing the door softly as I enter the room, doing a quick scan before I make my way over to her.

Her mom is sitting in a rocking chair asleep with a magazine across her lap. There's a rolling cabinet with the machinery in it that monitors the baby's heartbeat, and Bella's contractions. Over in the corner is an incubator, I assume, just waiting for bean to make his appearance.

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. I can do this, I've seen a lot of gruesome shit in my time as a fireman, this couldn't be much worse, right?

A/N: You can do it, Edward. This update was for Judi.


	63. Chapter 63

Thank you, Sherry (Banshee69) for all your help. I don't own Twilight, SM does. The subject matter of 9-11 is what gives it an M rating, so if you're triggered by that then please do not read.

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POV- Edward

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Entering the room fully, I walk up to Bella's bed. She has a pillow hugged to her chest, her eyes are scrunched up, her forehead is wrinkled, and her mouth is in a pout. I'm worried that she's in pain, having contractions, and will try to tough it out.

I know that was her original birth plan and that was what she had discussed with the doctor, but I think she should allow them to help her with the pain, but I'm a man- I'll never experience childbirth. I say if it's as painful as it looks, fuck, the first contraction I'd be asking for assistance from them, no doubt.

Bella's starting to wake up and I'm immediately hovering over her to make sure she's okay.

"Edward?" She's not quite awake yet and looks a bit groggy.

"I'm here, Bella." I take her hand in mine and bring it up to my lips, placing a kiss on her knuckles.

She squeezes my fingers. "Thank you for coming, Edward." She seems more awake now.

I put my finger up to my lips and look over my shoulder, indicating Renee's asleep in the rocking chair.

She nods, letting me know she understands. Then she mouths the words, "Thank you," to me.

"You're welcome, sweetness." I murmur to her.

"It really means a lot to me that you're here."

"Bella, there's no place else I'd rather be," I tell her honestly, as I place my hand upon her stomach. I can feel the baby moving and that makes me smile, but I can also feel her stomach start to tighten under my palm. I know she's having a contraction, but she isn't reacting to it? I look to the machine to verify my suspicions and sure enough… she is in the middle of one.

"Bella, can't you feel that?"

She looks at me confused, an adorable V between her eyebrows. "Feel what?"

I look from her to the machine and back. "You're having a contraction, Bella. A good one according to the machine and your stomach is as hard as a rock right now." I chuckle lightly.

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. "I am? Wow, that epidural really worked, huh?"

"Epidural? You agreed to get one?" I'm surprised, she had said she didn't want to have any kind of drug intervention, that she wanted to have an all natural childbirth. No matter how much Renee and I would try to convince her otherwise, she would say her mind was made up.

She blushes and bites on her bottom lip, fidgeting with the stiff, white hospital blanket. "I tried to hold out," she looks so guilty and there's no reason for her to feel that way, none. "The pain was just so… intense. I broke down and cried. I couldn't handle it." Tears start to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward," she apologizes to me.

I scoff at her. This amazing woman apologizing to me for seeking medical help for pain relief. She's so damn brave, she doesn't even realize how brave she truly is. "There's no need to be sorry, you did the right thing, Bella. I'm so fucking proud of you." I can't help the smile that radiates on my face.

"I told her the same thing," said Renee, as she stands up, stretching.

Bella and I jump, startled by Renee's sudden remark, thinking she was still asleep.

"It's okay, Bella, we're glad you did it. You were in pain." Renee comforted Bella by stroking her hair.

"I agree, sweetness. This is the best way to go about it, now rest while you can, soon you'll have a reason to stay awake." We smiled like two loons at each other. It won't be long now.

**AN:** This chapter has just been sitting in my docs for a while and I figured I would go ahead and post it for you all. I'm sorry I haven't been posting any new ones lately. I've had a lot of RL stuff going on and things just haven't been too good for me health wise, also my muse left the building. Please, don't give up on me.


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